Chapter 128

Allegra finger fluffed her hair once more, taking a quick, final inventory in the mirror.

Her hair was extra-wavy tonight, as she had taken the time to scrunch it up while blow drying it.  She’d swept only the very front part away from her face with a pretty gold clip, the rest fluttering around her shoulders in a silky curtain almost as inky as the little black dress she was wearing.  The diamond earrings from Jon and Dot sparkled in her ears and a light application of makeup enhanced her blue eyes, high cheekbones and pouty lips. 

She was pleased with the results.  She felt pretty tonight. 

But pretty enough to be seen on the arm of a rock star?  That she wasn’t so sure about.

Or at least she wasn’t sure about it until she stepped out onto the guest house porch and saw Richie’s jaw go slack.  She felt his velvety brown gaze sweep upward from the flirty jersey skirt that swirled just above her knees to the nipped in waist gathered at one side.   Those same eyes darkened when they reached the criss-crossed Queen Anne neckline that lovingly cupped her breasts and showcased her cleavage in a way that was sexy, yet not trashy. 

“You’re gorgeous,” he breathed across her knuckles as he brought her hand up for a kiss.

Yeah.  She was pretty enough.

All the dazzle she possessed went into blinding him with her smile.  “Thank you.”

This was her first look at him this evening.  He’d thoughtfully taken his things and gone into the blue bedroom so that she could have the privacy of the brown bedroom to get ready.  Like a real date.

She slowly perused his dark slacks and grey silk button down shirt with appreciation.  The shirt had only the bottom three buttons fastened, leaving a wide expanse of chest to display his crystal necklace on its thick silver chain. 

“You look pretty stunning yourself,” she observed, feeling the now familiar flush of desire.  Oddly enough, the fact that he was technically dressed made that tanned stretch of skin even more alluring.

He dimpled with delight as he offered her his arm.  “I’m glad m’lady approves.”

Richie helped her navigate the three porch steps in her high black heels before guiding her down one of the paths on the property.  To her surprise it was a path that led away from the garage.

“Where are we going?”  He was steering her to a part of the property she hadn’t had occasion to visit, mainly because it was just a big expanse of lawn.

She sucked in a breath, feet coming to an abrupt halt.

This evening that big expanse of lawn was occupied by a helicopter.

He grinned again, obviously pleased with her reaction.  “Ever ridden in a whirly bird?”

Eyes wide, she shook her head.  “Where in the world did you get a helicopter?”

“It’s Jon’s.  C’mon.  We have dinner reservations at six.” 

Allegra felt like Cinderella.  The vibrant sunset lighting up the Manhattan skyline with its brilliant reds and purples, a bird’s eye view of Central Park, and swooping near enough to Lady Liberty’s torch that she could touch it were things that mere mortals only dreamed of.  When Richie clasped her hand in his and she turned to find him staring with a look of enchantment – not at the view, but at her – she thought it was a dream. 

Her pumpkin coach deposited them on the roof of a huge building – she couldn’t tell which one – so that they could vanish into a private elevator plummeting them to street level where a car and driver were waiting to whisk them away to dinner.

As in all good dreams, they made their reservation time on the dot.  At exactly six o’clock they were being seated in the back of an exclusive Italian restaurant near the Theatre District that Richie had been to once before.  He assured her that she would love not only the food, but the quiet, romantic atmosphere. 

They had placed their orders with a charming waiter named Giuseppe and Allegra sipped her bubbly Italian soda when Richie leaned in close, forearms resting on the table.  “Tell me something that I don’t know about you.”

Wow.  Never mind all the hours they’d spent talking on the phone and in bed over the last weeks.   He was going all out to craft a perfect date.  A sweet warmth infused her and she willingly went down the trail he’d set.

“Gee, I don’t know.  That’s a hard question to answer out of the blue.”  She twirled the straw in her soda, bumping the strawberry garnish into the fizzy concoction with a tiny splash.  “Why don’t you go first, and give me a minute to come up with something.”

“Okay.  I’m color blind.”

She furrowed her brow in confusion.  “You mean you can’t see any colors?”

He gave her a lopsided grin.  “No, I can see colors.  Technically I’m red-green colorblind, but I still think that’s a dumbass terminology for it.  Color confused is more accurate.  I can’t distinguish between shades of red or green very well.”

“So my killer red dress in Seattle…?”

“Oh I knew that without a doubt.  It was too hot to be any color but red.”  Richie’s nostrils flared at the memory and he cleared his throat.  “Your turn, Sunshine.”

Allegra couldn’t think of a single thing that was comparable to that.  She felt like Richie knew everything about her already.  What trivial thing might make for interesting dinner conversation?

“Well, at the risk of being banished from womanhood, chocolate is no longer the dessert I crave over everything else.  I was a certified chocoholic for my entire life, but in the last few years it’s just lost the appeal.”

“Oh yeah?  What does it for you now?”

You do.

He was what she craved.  His touch, his tenderness and passion – even his sometimes obnoxious guy behavior. 

“Cheesecake.  Drizzled with caramel.”  Allegra puckered her lips around her straw, innocently sipping the strawberry drink and trying to get flashing images of Richie drizzled with caramel out of her head.

“Mmmm.  Cheesecake rocks!  I’m more of a traditionalist though – plain ole cheesecake for me.  Once in a while I like fresh fruit on top.”

The vision of him nibbling blueberries and strawberries from atop her naked body had Allegra crossing her legs to ease the sudden pulsing between them.  They had to stop talking about food.

“Tell me something else,” she urged, fidgeting in the small booth.  “Something nobody else knows.”

His handsome smile slipped a notch, eyes darting to a point beyond her left shoulder.  Turning her head, she saw the waiter pouring wine at a table across the room. 

“Richie?”

A hollow laugh bounced between them and he studied the half empty glass of Diet Coke sitting at his hand.  “I still crave alcohol every day,” he admitted softly, not looking at her.  “When things get complicated, my first thought is that a couple of drinks will make them less complicated.”

                                                                                    

Allegra’s stomach clenched and she instinctively reached to curl her fingers over his hand.  “But then you have a second thought that tells that first thought to go to hell.”  Squeezing, she urged him to meet her eyes.  “You’re fighting and you’re winning.  I can’t even imagine how hard it must be, but you’re doing it.”

“Most days.”

Something about the tone of his voice or the tinge of regret in his eyes had her asking, “When’s the last time you had a drink?”  She, personally, had never seen him drink anything but Diet Coke, coffee or water.  That meant it should be a distant memory at best – months and months ago.

“The night you were raped.” 

Guilt threatened to swallow her in one consuming gulp.  For the hundredth time she cursed her own stubbornness in not listening to him that night.  That one arrogant decision had changed their lives in so many ways – and now she found out that the fallout reached further than she’d known.

“Oh, Richie…”  His cheek was smooth under her hand as she tenderly cupped the hard-angled jaw.  “I’m so sorry.”

“No apologies,” he ordered, lips brushing against her palm before moving to intertwine their fingers on the dark linen tablecloth.  “That was a lifetime ago.  Your turn again.”

“But-“

“Your turn.”

She frowned unhappily.  Her mind wouldn’t form any thoughts beyond trying to conjure the feeling of helplessness that would make him reach for the comfort of alcohol.  Allegra had been so busy leaning on him that she hadn’t noticed that he needed to lean just as badly.

That mistake wouldn’t happen again, she vowed.

“Sunshine… let it go.  Tell me something no one else knows about you.”

With a deep breath, she deliberately concentrated on the question.  “Something no one else knows...”

It was tempting to tell him about something silly, like her teenage crush on Scott Baio, if for no other reason than to lighten the mood.  But she couldn’t make herself do it after he’d shared such a personal thing with her – something that was still significant in his life.  Allegra could give him no less in return.

“I’m afraid I’ll never get my faith back.”

His brows knit together, lips pursing thoughtfully.  “Your spiritual faith?”

“Yes.  It’s been six months and instead of it working its way back into my heart, it seems like there’s always something happening to push it further away.”

“Like your father the Bishop.”

“That and the rape among other things.  No matter how many times I try, I know my prayers aren’t going any further than the top of my head.   I don’t know how I’m supposed to believe again.”

The waiter arrived with their food at that moment, depositing a steaming plate of clam linguini in front of Richie while Allegra’s side of the table was topped with a huge serving of cannelloni.  It all looked decadently delicious.  Too bad she didn’t think she’d be able to eat a bite.

“I can tell you.”  Richie gave his dinner no more than a cursory glance, intent on what she’d just confided in him.

Blue eyes flew up from the swirls of marinara and alfredo sauces before her.  “Really?”

He nodded his head solemnly.  “But you’re not going to like it.”

“Ooo-kay.”  Did it really matter if she liked it?  Turning away the means to recover her inner peace would be senseless.  “Tell me anyway.”

Richie reached across the table, across the drinks, across the basket of bread and their food to stroke her cheek with his thumb.  Gentle eyes engaged her, drawing her in and making her trust in what he was about to reveal.

“Sunshine, faith isn’t something that comes and goes.  It’s a conscious decision, sorta like love.  Things happen to make you question that decision sometimes, but it’s always your decision.  All you have to is decide you’re going to believe.”

Instinctively, Allegra gravitated to the one tidbit of his insight that didn’t hold her accountable for the state of her beliefs. 

“What do you mean, like love?”

The resigned shake of his head clearly relayed his disappointment, but he didn’t try to browbeat her into acquiescence.    He simply leaned back in his chair and sighed before explaining his words.

“I heard somebody say once that love isn’t just a feeling.  Hormones, pheromones and circumstances are seventy-five percent responsible for those warm, fuzzy feelings that we associate with love, and they play a big part in determining how intensely we love.  The fallacy is that when those warm, fuzzy feelings are gone, so is the love.”

“Well, yeah.  People fall out of love all the time.  There has to be a reason why.”

“People fall out of love because they’re lazy or they want something else.  When people get married, they’re promising – choosing – to love one another for the rest of their lives.  It’s a commitment, not a rush of adrenaline.”

That shed a little more light on his hesitance to rush down the aisle, but what did it say about his first marriage?

The question must’ve been clearly written on her face, because he laughed reproachfully.  “I know what you’re thinking.”

They’d never discussed why he and Heather split up.  Originally, Allegra wasn’t sure she’d wanted to know, but after his philosophical views on love, she was suddenly very curious.

“What happened?”

He lifted his hands in a shrug, eyes shuttering as he gave her the Cliff Notes version.  “We were fighting because I was gone so much.  She was unhappy and insecure, throwing around the ‘D’ word, but I thought we would work it out, just like we always had.   That’s what I get for thinking,” he laughed grimly.  “So there I was in the middle of a tour, doing one more boring pre-show interview, and this reporter says ‘Your wife just filed for divorce.  What do you have to say about that?’  Like an idiot I denied it all, thinking it was sensationalism drummed up by the media.  Turns out the guy was telling the truth.”

Richie picked up his glass, taking a deep swallow of the now watered-down soda.  Replacing the glass, he moved to toy with the fork buried in the linguini he’d taken exactly three bites of.

“Heather needed something else that I evidently wasn’t giving her, so she decided she didn’t love me anymore.  That was a decision she made all on her own.”

“And what did you decide?”

“That my love was wasted on someone who had no more respect for me than that.  Of course that came after I got drunk off my ass, woke up with the mother of all hangovers, and went back to work.”  He tried to make light of it, but his laughter fell flat. 

The enormity of it all tumbled down over Allegra like a ton of bricks, and she finally understood how lucky she was to be sitting here.  She’d shown him no more respect than Heather had by shutting him out and running away.  Yet, with very little ado, Richie put another band-aid on his heart and reached out to give her another chance.

“I’m sorry – for everything.” 

For Heather, for me, for everybody who’s trampled on your heart.  How do you still care so much for people? 

“Don’t be.  Allegra, I choose to have faith in people – and God.  It’s how I pick myself up and go on.  It makes me who I am.”  He reached out for her hand, and miraculously, his eyes weren’t full of hurt or betrayal.  They were full of encouragement and love.  “It’s your choice, baby.”