One Hundred Nine

“Hot damn,” Jon exclaimed, prompting Dorothea to stick her head into the kitchen. 

“Did you just buy a football team?”

He turned his megawatt grin on her.  “Better than that baby.  I just got an anonymous call dropping the dime on Allegra’s rapist.  Gave me the hotel he’s staying at in Philly.  Now all I’ve gotta do is a make a couple of phone calls and this whole nightmare is over with.”

“Aren’t you going to try and find out who the informant was?”

He scoffed.  “If it gets that son of a bitch off the streets, what do I care?”  His finger was already moving across the small screen.  “I’ll tell Richie as soon as I finish these calls.”  Jon dropped a loud, smacking kiss on his wife’s lips as he listened to the phone ring.  “It’s gonna be a good day, Dottie.”

♪♫♪

She’d been relatively quiet the last little bit, prompting David to peek over to her side of the car.  Her deep breathing indicated that she’d succumbed to sleep, and he hoped she was able to rest for remaining half-hour of their trip.

Things hadn’t turned out the way he planned, but then again, he hadn’t had much of a plan other than finding her.  He was damn glad he’d listened to his instincts after hearing about her cross this morning.  This poor girl didn’t need one more upsetting event in her life.  Allegra had weathered a dramatic year so far, and he was hoping she could enjoy some peace once she and Richie worked things out.

A soft cry cut its way through the music filtering through the stereo, and he glanced over again.  Her face was contorted in what appeared to be pain, head writhing against the seat.   Inhaling great gulps of air, she clutched at the door handle when her eyes flew open with a loud gasp.

“Legs, baby, what’s wrong?”  David’s eyes darted from the road to her and back again as he reached for her hand.

Obviously attempting to regain her bearings, she looked wildly around the car before seeing and focusing on him.   “David.”

“I’m right here, darlin’.  What’s the matter?” 

All of the color had left her face, and there was a slight sheen of perspiration beaded across her upper lip.  Her trembling fingers clutched at his hand with a power he didn’t know she possessed as she held her breath in an effort to regain control.

With a self-conscious smile, she forcibly eased her grip on him and relaxed into the seat.  “Sorry.”

“Panic attack?”

“Mm.”

Well, hell.  No wonder she’s not gotten any sleep. 

“We’re almost home,” he told her with a reassuring squeeze.  “This will all be behind you in just a little while, and you can rest.”

She didn’t agree, but she didn’t disagree either, merely looking out the window at the glimpses of Jersey coastline that were visible through the houses and trees.

“David?”

“Yeah?”

“I know I have to talk to Richie, but can you tell Jon and Dot?  And Tico?  Not about Felix, but about the baby.  I just don’t think I can go through it twice today, and if I’m going to be there, they should know.”

He’d do anything he could to take that look from her face.  “Sure, sweetheart, if you want me to.”

She nodded and closed her eyes.  Several minutes passed, and he thought she’d fallen into a light sleep again when her quiet words floated through the vehicle to him. 

“Thank you.  For everything.”

♪♫♥♪♫

Richie walked slowly toward the Shoe Inn, reluctantly contemplating what lay in store for him there.  David had come into the studio a few minutes ago, pulling him into the booth, away from Tico and Jon.

“Allegra’s waiting for you in the pub,” he said under his breath.  “Go.”

His heart beat a little faster. 

She came back.

Regardless of how much that thought relieved him, he chose to remain casually aloof.  She’d put him off for almost a week, and now she could just damn well wait until HE was ready to see HER.  He wasn’t going to jump because she’d deigned to make an appearance, and said as much to David.

“I’m not going running because she snaps her fingers.  We’ve got work to do.” 

In reality, he didn’t give a tinker’s damn about work anymore – probably couldn’t even concentrate on it, knowing that the answers to his questions lie so close by.  But then again, the more he thought about it, did he really want to know the answers?

“You NEED to talk to her man,” David persisted, his body language relaying a sense of urgency and importance.  What the hell had suddenly become so urgent?

“Why?  What do you know?” he asked suspiciously, trying to decipher whatever was brewing under that Goldilocks mop of curls.

Whatever it was, he wasn’t spilling.  “I’m not telling you jack.  Just go, dammit!”

Now the curiosity had doubled.  He may as well go and talk to her, because his mind was already there, and it was useless denying it.  And no matter what she had to say, he wouldn’t be left in this shitty state of limbo any longer. 

One way or the other, Richie thought, hand automatically going to the pocket that held the engagement ring. 

He hadn’t been back to California for the opportunity to store it, so he’d been carrying it with him for safekeeping.  Sure, Jon would’ve let him keep it here, but there was a piece of him that drew comfort from its presence – its promise.

Now it was time to see if the promise would be fulfilled.

“Fine.  Tell Jon I’ll be back in a few.”  With that, he’d slipped out the back door.  Trekking the short distance to the pub, he walked what felt like the last mile to his execution.

Dammit Sambora, you’re not a pitiful wretch.  Don’t be sad, be mad.  She left with hardly a word and expects you to come running now?  Well screw that.

Feeling appropriately armed with attitude, he opened the door and stepped inside the glorified game room.  The only light shining in the small building filtered through the wooden blinds at each window, which left heavy shadows lurking around the perimeter of the room.  Even with that, he didn’t have any trouble spotting her.  Upon entering, he found her standing by the front window, blind drawn open, where she’d been watching his approach.

Turning to greet him, she offered a hesitant smile.  “Hi.”

If his heart had beaten faster before, it all but stopped now.  Her spine was straight and she looked him dead in the eye, but that was the extent of the woman he’d left behind in Philadelphia.   Sunken eyes and lines etched around her mouth made her appear older than her thirty-nine years.  It had obviously been no vacation for her either.

That shouldn’t matter, and he wouldn’t let it distract him from his righteous indignation.  In a cool voice, he observed, “I see you came back.”

Her dark ponytail bounced with the dip of her head in agreement.  “I’d almost decided to anyway, but David turned up and pushed the issue.”

“Where have you been?”

Her eyes were busy avidly devouring him, and he’d begun to wonder if she’d heard the question when she finally answered.  “I’ve been staying at my old cloister.”

What the hell had she been doing there?  She burned that bridge when she left months ago. 

“How did he know where to find you?”

If he knew all along where she was, so help me God, I’m going to kick his ass from here to the next tour stop.

“I don’t know.  That’s something you’ll have to ask him.”

He drank in the gentle sway of her hips as she crossed to the bar and climbed on one of the barrel-style stools.  God, how he’d missed her.  Even now, he wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless.

“Sit with me?”

For his own sanity, he couldn’t be that close to her yet.  Richie chose instead to go behind the bar and fish a cold bottle of water from the refrigerator, twisting off the top and swallowing deeply.    It was easier to maintain distance while standing, so he stayed where he was, propping himself against the mahogany countertop.

“O-kay,” she sighed at his silent refusal, folding her arms on the smooth, polished wood.  “I deserve that.”

“And I deserve an explanation.”

“Yes, you do,” Allegra agreed softly, eyes filled with remorse.  “And as soon as I can find the right words, you’ll have one.”

“The truth works.”

He wasn’t interested in some elaborate Dear John speech, or fanciful yarn.  He just wanted to know why she’d left without talking to him.  Period.

Little did he know the impact the truth was going to have.

“The truth is that I’m pregnant.”

The words knocked the wind from his lungs and he gripped the padded edge of the bar to keep himself upright.  He waited for her to smile and let him in on the joke as his head spun with a myriad of questions that he couldn’t manage to articulate over the buzzing in his hears. 

She didn’t smile.  There was no joke.

And fortunately, she didn’t need his questions to quietly and concisely provide the first round of answers. 

“I’m almost six weeks, which means it happened in Detroit.  It will be another six weeks before we can get a paternity test to tell whether it’s yours or… not.”

The rape.  Oh God.

“But you had a period after that.”

“That’s what I thought,” she said dully, “But the doctor tells me it wasn’t a period.  It was something called ‘implantation bleeding’.  The fertilized egg was burrowing its way into the lining of my uterus, and that’s where the blood came from.”

The doctor.  She’d been to the doctor and gone through all of this already.  Then she decided to hightail it out of town without breathing a word of it.  He didn’t have to talk himself into being mad anymore.  The anger raged through him like a virus, until he could feel every vein throbbing violently with its effect.

“You’re pregnant and you LEFT without telling me?  When did you think you were going to share that little bit of information?  When you went into labor?”

“Richie, you practically begged me to take that pill after the rape.  I saw the look of relief on your face when we thought I started my period.  You don’t want a child that isn’t yours, and I wasn’t going to force one on you.”

“I was relieved because we didn’t have to make that decision!  Just because I didn’t want to make it, doesn’t mean that I WOULDN’T have.  Have a little fuckin’ faith!”

“I had faith that you would do what was right, no matter how much you didn’t want to!  There was no way I could hold you responsible for a choice I made.”

“So you made a choice for me instead.”

Unable to tolerate the distance between them any longer, she decided it was time to do what she’d come to do.  Climbing from the stool, she joined him on the opposite side of the obstacle separating them.

“Listen to me,” she pleaded, latching onto his hand.  “I realized some things while I was gone, the most important of which is that life can be much shorter than we expect.  The main reason I wanted to come back now was to tell you that I love you, and that I never stopped loving you for a second.  You’re an amazing man and there’s no one else like you in the world.”

Sliding her arms around his waist, she stepped close and squeezed with the all the emotion she’d been harboring during her self-imposed exile.  “I love you, Richie.  More than I ever dreamed it possible to love anyone.  There’s not a moment while I was gone that I didn’t miss you and look forward to being in your arms again.”

Her flowery declaration hung heavily in the air, and he remained statue still in her embrace, eerily silent.  Allegra swore she could hear the seconds of her life ticking away as readily as their relationship was burning to the ground around her. 

Once it became evident that he wasn’t going to sweep her up into a never-ending hug, she allowed her arms to slip awkwardly back to her sides and stepped away from him.

“You can’t just reappear and expect everything to go back the way it was, Allegra.”

“I… I didn’t expect that,” she stammered, taken aback by the steel in his voice, realizing that’s exactly what she DID expect.  After offering the explanation for her disappearance, she thought he would understand her reasoning.  The only thing left would be to talk about the baby.  “I know we still need to talk about the baby.”

“No.” Richie gave his head an adamant shake.  “We have to figure out what’s going to happen with US before we can put a baby in the picture.  One thing at a time.”

“O-okay.  So what IS going to happen with us?”  Even though she’d been the one to make the break, reconciliation had always been on her mental horizon.  She’d arrogantly believed that he would be there waiting for her when she decided the time was right.  Allegra was shaking inside, as the fallout from her actions came crashing down around her.

“I don’t know.  I’m too pissed to be making long term decisions.”  His eyes darted out the window behind her, and her spirit wilted a little more at his avoidance of her gaze.   A shadow flickered across his face, and he made his move to leave. “Right now, I’m going back to the studio.   We’ll talk again… later.  Maybe tomorrow.  If you want to stay in the guest house, you can have the brown bedroom.  I’ve been sleeping in the other one.  Or, I’m sure you’d be welcome to stay up at the main house.”

The click of the door echoing through the pub had a horrible sound of finality to it.  At the time, she would have sworn that leaving him was the hardest thing she’d ever endured. 

She was wrong.  

Having him hurl those cold words, then refuse to look at her…  THAT was the hardest. 

She collapsed to the couch, staring out the same window that he’d been engrossed in moments before.  The tears she expected to flow and ease away the pain were mysteriously absent, being replaced by a bone-chilling emptiness. 

Chapter 108

Allegra’s eyes pinned Sister Celeste to the wall.  “What does he look like?”

If Felix has the nerve to show up asking for me at the front door, then he can just sit his ass right there until the police show up.

“He’s a tall man, with curly blonde hair,” the Sister said, taken aback by Allegra’s frightened reaction.  “Would you like me to send him away?”

Relief flooded through her.  It didn’t matter how or why, but just as he’d been on more than one occasion, he was there for her. 

“No thank you,” she called over her shoulder as she rushed down the staircase.  “It’s a friend.”

♪♫♥

David paced the small, simply furnished room.  The most remarkable thing about it was the floor-to-ceiling bookcases that lined the walls, reminding him of a library.  He thought the nun had called it the ‘parlor’, making him wonder what time period these people lived in.  Did they even have parlors anymore? 

It was a random rabbit trail for his mind to amble along while he waited for Allegra to appear – if  she DID appear.  The way the bulldog in the habit had practically snarled, he wasn’t too sure whether she would relay the message or just come back and give him the brushoff.

Good luck with that, Sister.  I’ve made it this far, there’s no brushing me off now.

He turned his attention out the window, looking but not really seeing the grounds surrounding the cloister.  The sun was shining, the grass was green and the birds were singing.  All signs of a perfect day.  With a little bit of luck, that may prove to be true. 

“David.” 

He heard her breathe his name and swiveled around to find her closing the space between them with long strides.  Before he could even register her arrival, she was on tiptoe with her arms twined tightly around his neck, face buried in his shoulder.

“How do you always know when I need someone?” she whispered.

She trembled against him, and he clamped strong, muscled arms around her torso, holding her close with a sigh of relief.  “Did you ever think that maybe I’m the one who needs you?”

They stood wrapped together, with him rubbing open palms up and down until her tremors subsided, and she attempted to release herself from the embrace.  Unwilling to completely relinquish contact just yet, he kept a grip on her hands while surveying her appearance.

His heart clutched at the picture she made.  

She was still classically beautiful in her dark slacks and blue lightweight sweater, but she also looked tired.  And scared.

Protectiveness kicked in and he fought the urge to pull her tight and roar at anyone who came near.  He settled for stroking his thumb gently across the dark smudges under her eyes.   “Wanna tell me what’s going on, Legs?”

Her eyes rose to meet his and tears shimmered in the sunlight streaming in from the windows.  His Legs was hurting.

“Will you take me someplace? Anyplace?  I need to get away from here.”

She didn’t have to ask twice.  David’s feet were in motion before Allegra could finish the last sentence,   and he curled a shielding arm around her shoulders, wasting no time in shuffling her out the front entrance toward his car.

“Nice ride,” she admired the silver luxury car with a faint smile as he opened the passenger side, handing her into the buttery leather seat.

“It gets me where I’m going.”

He closed her in and had the driver’s door open in no time, sliding behind the wheel an instant before the engine roared to life. 

“Is there a restaurant nearby?  You look like you could use some coffee.”

She nodded silently and gave him directions to a little out of the way diner not too far from where they were.  Other than that, neither said a word until they slid into the wooden booth at the far corner of the nearly desolate restaurant.   There were only half a dozen other patrons scattered throughout, and none of them were seated close enough to overhear whatever may be said.

“How did you find me?” she asked, removing the silverware from atop the paper napkin at her place setting.  She slowly and methodically began to pick at it, keeping her nervous hands occupied and giving her something to look at besides David’s probing eyes.

He purposefully removed the napkin from her grasp and scooped her hand up, folding his long fingers over it with a little grin.  “I told you I was the smart one, you just didn’t believe me.”

“Oh, I believed you,” she assured him with a forced laugh.  “I just didn’t think I’d given anybody a reason to look.”

David snorted.  “Baby, you go leaving a note like that and don’t expect us to come looking?  Richie’s got more couth than I do.  He was giving you an extra day to come back on your own before he started a nationwide womanhunt.”

“He told you about the note?” she whispered.

“Just that you were thinking about breaking it off.”

Her eyelids fluttered quickly to keep the tears at bay, and she gently tugged, reclaiming her hand.

A waitress appeared at that moment, asking if they’d like some coffee. 

“That sounds great, thanks,” David agreed, watching Allegra sniff and dab at her eyes with her fingertips.

“Make mine decaf, please.”

His eyebrows lifted inquiringly as the waitress noted their order and departed.  “Since when do you drink decaf?”

“Caffeine isn’t good for you.”

Silence filled the air, and David waited patiently for her to speak.  Seeing that it wasn’t getting him anywhere, he finally gave in and prodded, “Okay sweetheart, talk to me.  What’s going on?  Are you sick?”

Allegra looked into the deep blue eyes sitting under a brow furrowed with concern and had no idea of where to begin.  The baby, Felix, or the Bishop?  No, not the Bishop.  The easiest thing was to answer the question, she supposed.

“No, I’m not sick.”

“Thank God,” he murmured, releasing a pent up breath and reaching for her hand again.  This time he clasped it between both of his large palms and kissed her fingertips.  “If you’re healthy, then everything else is just details.  Talk to Uncle Dave, he’ll make it all better, I promise.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Start at the beginning.  Why did you leave?  And go to so much damn trouble to hide?”

Because I couldn’t stand to be a burden.

“I’m pregnant.”

He didn’t immediately respond, but she could see his mind furiously working away.

“The doctor’s appointment last week,” he said, waiting for her nod of agreement before continuing.  “Why didn’t you tell anyone?  Namely Richie.  It’s his, isn’t it?”

The sound of the waitress approaching the table, mugs and pot in tow, prevented her immediate reply.  Freeing her hand once again, she leaned back from the table, allowing their coffee to be served.

“Do you want to order any food?” the waitress asked.

Looking at Allegra questioningly and receiving a negative reply, he told her, “No, we’re good.  Thanks.”

She had barely stepped away, when he asked again.  “Legs, it’s Richie’s isn’t it?”

Despondently stirring cream and sugar into her coffee, she answered quietly, “I don’t know.  The doctor’s estimates have me at five weeks – almost six now.  That means it happened in Detroit, so it could be…  because of the rape.”

“Holy shit.”

“Exactly,” she said, sipping from her mug with a grimace.  The coffee had been around a while.  It was strong and bitter.

Sliding out of the booth, David rounded the table and scooted in next to Allegra, draping a comforting arm around her shoulders.  It felt good to not be alone, and she took advantage of it by resting against him.

“You have to tell Richie.”  When she began to protest, he shushed her.  “Legs, you know it’s the right thing to do.”

She pushed away, the comfort he’d offered all too fleeting.  Being on the inside of the booth left her little room to maneuver, but she managed to turn and put her back to the wall, creating some space between them. 

“No David, I don’t.  He begged me to take that morning-after pill.  He didn’t want to risk being responsible for a child that wasn’t his own.  I refused and took the consequences upon myself when I did.  The right thing to do is wait until I can have a paternity test.  If it confirms that he’s the father, then I’ll tell him and he can decide if he wants it.  Me.  Us.”

Something in her face must’ve told him not to argue the point, because he chose a different approach.

“When can you have the test?” 

“Not for another six weeks.”

“Do you love him?”

A humorless laugh crept from between her lips.  “I don’t sleep and have panic attacks every single night.  You tell me.”

His hand came up to cup her jaw, thumb tracing along her cheekbone.  “You can’t do this another six weeks, sweetheart.  You look like death warmed over.  Come back with me.  Talk to him.  If it doesn’t go well, you’ll come home with me.  I’ll take care of you and the baby.”

“What?”  A frown creased her face and she looked at him in confusion.  He was kidding wasn’t he?

For once, there was no sign of humor in the Joker’s eyes.  “You’ll move in with me and I’ll take care of you.  You won’t have to worry about anything.”

Has he lost his mind?

“Lexi isn’t going to want to start a home for wayward mothers,” she protested.  “And I’m not your responsibility any more than I’m Richie’s.”

“This isn’t about Lexi, it’s about me and you,” he murmured.  “We have something special, Legs.  No, you’re not my responsibility, but you’re someone I care about very deeply.  Your well-being means the world to me.”

“David.”  It was her turn to cup his jaw.  “We do have something special, but it’s not the same kind of special that you and Lexi have.  You’re going to be married.  SHE comes first in your life.  She’s the one who takes care of your children when you’re on the road and they can’t be with their mother.  She makes sure your home is taken care of.  She takes care of YOU.  Can you honestly say that looking after a temperamental woman and her illegitimate child can compete with that?”

His eyes shuttered.  “Are you saying that you can’t love me?”

“I can and I do,” she corrected, tweaking one of his curls.  “But I’m not IN love with you any more than you are with me.  Think about it David.  When you imagine going home, isn’t Lexi the one waiting for you?  Isn’t she the one you think about crawling in bed with at night?  If I had to guess, I’d say that you’ve never had the first sexual thought about me.”

The lectures from Tico.  The wounded look in Lexi’s eyes.  Richie.  His own recriminating thoughts.  All of it had gone in one ear and out the other.  However, one well-placed sentence from Allegra finally got through the dense cloud that had been fogging his brain. 

Yes, she preoccupied his mind most of the day, but he HADN’T thought about her in an ‘inappropriate’ way.    He thought of ways to make her laugh.  He wanted to see her smile, hear her voice, protect her and know that she was happy, but beyond that… 

She was right.  Even though he loved her like he’d never loved another woman, he wasn’t IN love with her.  Closer than a sister, dearer than a friend, she was a rare treasure that he’d been fortunate enough to find. 

He’d been that close to screwing it all up.  If Lexi was at home waiting for him tonight, they had a lot of talking to do.

“Fine,” he said tugging her ponytail.  “You won’t move in with me, and Lexi hopefully won’t kick my butt to the curb.  But I’ll still make sure you’re taken care of Legs.  I promise.”

With a lop-sided grin, she reminded him, “I’m a grownup, ya know.  I can take care of myself.”

“And you’ve done such an outstanding job of it this past week,” he observed with sarcasm, sliding back to the other side of the booth.  “You look like hell.  Have you even eaten?”

“Not… today.”

“Yesterday?” 

“Yes, yesterday.”

Blue lasers locked in on her with a knowing look.  “WHEN yesterday?”

She huffed, crossing her arms on the table.  “You think you know everything.”

“I found you, didn’t I?  And I also know that you can’t be trusted to take care of yourself.”  He signaled the waitress and ordered what amounted to a breakfast buffet without waiting for her answer OR consulting her.

“You’re coming home with me, Allegra,” he told her sternly after the order had been placed, knowing that use of her given name would highlight his earnestness.  “You may not have any biological brothers, but you’ve got me and you’re going to listen to me.  You need to talk to Richie.”

“David it’s not fair to put him in this position!”

“And it’s not fair to run off and break his heart either.  He looks like hell too, by the way.”

Life is too short, a voice whispered in her subconscious.

She reluctantly admitted that she was instinctively being stubborn, with no good reason.  Only a few hours ago she’d been ready to pack her bags and profess her love to Richie, no matter what the consequences. 

And now…

“Something else happened too,” she told him, slumping forward in the seat and averting her eyes.

“Is this the something that had you looking like a scared rabbit when you first saw me?”

Nodding, she revealed, “Felix found me at the cloister.”

David was immediately up in arms, frantically looking her over as though he hadn’t spent the last hour with her.  “Jesus!  Are you okay?  Did he hurt you?”

“No, I didn’t actually see him, but someone found my cross in the sanctuary.  The one Richie got me.  That Felix took.”

“That settles it then,” David pronounced.  “You’re coming home today.  We can send somebody back to get your stuff, but you’re not going back there.”

He wasn’t saying anything that she hadn’t already thought, so she decided to ignore the instinct to dispute his caveman routine, knowing that it was in her best interest. 

“Okay.  But can you define home?  I don’t really have one at the present.”

He rolled his eyes.  “You have at least half a dozen places that you can put your stuff, but we’re starting out at Jon’s.   After that, you and your boyfriend can decide where home is.”

Biting her lip, she idly tapped on the salt shaker, watching the stray granules release from the glass and settle on the heap in the bottom.  The pepper shaker was receiving the same careful attention when David broke the silence. 

“What else, Legs?”

Abandoning the shakers, she propped her chin in her hand and looked at him with despair.  “I’m scared, David.  Leaving was hard enough when I thought it was the right thing to do.  I don’t know how I’ll stand it if he doesn’t want me.”

“Sweet thing, don’t you worry your pretty little head about that.”  He tapped her lightly on the end of the nose with a smirk.  “I know Richie Sambora better than his mama does.  Everything’s gonna be just fine.”

One Hundred Seven

His face blanched to an unsightly shade of white, giving her a fleeting concern for his health, but he recovered quickly.  A hearty cough returned the color to his cheeks, and he shifted his position restlessly in the chair.

Allegra, on the other hand, sat stock still, half-expecting him to contradict her.  Astoundingly he didn’t bother denying the allegation, merely closing his eyes for a breath before asking quietly, “How did you find out?”

She might be convinced to share the journal information later, but for now Allegra was the one asking the questions.    “You knew all along, didn’t you?  From the time you stepped foot in the door here.  Is that why you came?”

His hand ran over his beard, first pushing the whiskers upward, then smoothing them back down as he deliberated his reply.

“No, it wasn’t the reason I came, but the moment we met, I knew who you must be,” he eventually confessed with a wistful smile.  “How could I not?  You’re the spitting image of your mother.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything?  Did you just want to go on pretending that I didn’t exist?” 

Forget the tiny little detail that she hadn’t been aware of her adoption at the time.  HE had no way of knowing that, and should’ve done what was right.  Instead, he’d driven her from the Church.  He’d better block off his calendar for the day, because they had a lot of things to work through before she was budging from this chair.

The Bishop – her father – removed his glasses and passed a weary hand across the bridge of his nose.  “I can see that you’re going to have a lot of questions. Why don’t you let me start from the beginning?  After I’ve finished you can ask whatever you like.”

With only a moment’s hesitation, Allegra nodded her consent.  No matter what his beginning was, it would surely fill in some of the blanks.

“I met Frannie at Our Lady of Grace Convent in upstate New York in 1970.  One of my first acts as a priest there was to assist in officiating her vows.”

At least he wasn’t a complete liar, since his information was backed up by the journal.

“There was something remarkable about her that you couldn’t quite pin down, but it drew you in like a magnet.  Or it did me, anyway.  I never had any intention of being interested in a woman.  I had committed myself to the priesthood and was content with my decision to do so.”

“What made you do it?”  Now she could at least get that murder idea out of her head. 

If he would cooperate, that is.  With a remorseful shake of his head, he said, “It was too many years ago to start dredging up the memories.  Suffice it to say that I was greatly convicted.”

Convicted?  That is entirely too coincidental.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let it go at that.  What horrible thing happened that caused you to so drastically change paths?”

The Bishop’s brows knit in confusion.  “I didn’t say anything happened, or that I changed paths.   How are you coming up with these ideas?”

That’s what she got for pushing too hard.

“Frannie kept a little journal.  Sister Mary Clementine brought it to me last night, thinking I was her.”

“Oh my.”  His eyes widened with surprise.  Whether he was surprised about the journal or the Sister’s reaction, she couldn’t tell.  “That’s how you found out then.”

Allegra’s nod confirmed his belief.

“I can understand how someone in Sister Mary Clementine’s condition would make that mistake,” he murmured.

“Forgive me if I’m not more interested in the Sister and my resemblance to my mother at the moment.  Can we please go back to my question?  Because in all honesty, I’ve got you painted as a killer in my mind, and I’d like to dispel the thought.”

Once again the color drained from his face and she could feel hers following suit.

Oh God, he IS a killer.

“Okay, I’ll just be leaving now.”  She stood and circled around the back of the chair she’d been sitting in, keeping a close eye on him for any sudden movement.  Finding out information about her parents was pointless if one of them killed her.

“Sit down Allegra.  It’s not what you think.”

Her fingers wrapped firmly over the chair’s back, making both it and the desk obstacles between them.   At his age, she didn’t think he could clear them both before she made it to the door.  “Well, that remains to be seen now, doesn’t it?”

“I didn’t kill anyone,” he sighed, leaning heavily on the arm of his chair.  “Not in the traditional sense anyway.”

Her grip relaxed enough to allow the blood to seep back into her fingertips, but her desire to keep a fair distance from him didn’t diminish.  She maintained her stance behind the chair.

“Allegra,” he admonished softly.  “Sit.”

“No, I don’t think so.  Thank you anyway,” she said firmly, then directed his attention back to the question at hand.  “What happened?”

Disappointment flattened his voice.  “Your mother was the last person to hear this story.  I never told anyone else my shameful secret, but I suppose if anyone has a right to hear it, you would be the one.”

He leaned forward in his seat, making Allegra push her feet against the floor and scoot her own seat back a bit further.  The clouds of some thought darkened his eyes, but he didn’t give any other indication that he’d noticed.

“I was a bit of a troublemaker as a boy, always finding myself in a scrape of some sort.  It was typical teenage attitude and disrespect for pretty much everything.   My parents threatened to send me to military school if I didn’t straighten up, but I laughed in their faces and continued to live life as if there were no tomorrow or consequences to my actions.

“The summer I was seventeen, my brother Salvador started trailing after me like a puppy dog.  He was two years younger and thought everything I did was the greatest thing he’d ever seen.  Of course, I thrived on the attention and pushed myself a little harder, just to show off.”

His eyes were focused on some point beyond her right shoulder, and she glanced to see what had captured his attention.  There was nothing but the room’s furnishings and the door behind her – not even a picture on the wall.  Whatever scene played out, it was visible only to him. 

“One of my friends got hold of an old Colt .45 pistol.  I never bothered to ask how, or why, but he brought it over one afternoon when my parents weren’t home.  We did some target shooting next to the old metal storage building that was out back of the house.  We lived a little way outside of town, so the neighbors were used to  Sal was completely fascinated by the gun and watching those tin cans fly.  Kept begging for a turn, but I wouldn’t let him touch it.”

“My friend and I wanted to go to the movies, but there wasn’t time to take the gun back to his house if we were going to make it on time.  I said ‘no problem’, and hid it in a box inside the shed.  He would get it that evening.”

Pain darkened his face and his voice grew quieter.   “Sal simply couldn’t resist the temptation.  He snuck back out to there after we left and was messing around with the gun.  I thought I had taken all the bullets out.  It turns out there was still one left in the chamber.  When he pulled the trigger, it bounced off the metal shed and hit him in the neck, nicking his jugular.  He’d been dead a good two hours by the time we found him.”

“Oh my goodness,” she breathed, sharing in his pain for an instant.  How horrific it would be to find a loved one passed away, let alone…

“I was devastated.  My brother was gone, and I was responsible, no matter how indirectly.  My parents never said they blamed me, but I could see my mother wondering where she’d gone wrong.”  He cleared his throat and visibly reinserted himself into the present.  “During the funeral service, I vowed to be a different person from that point on.  To set an example worthy of following.”

Allegra could see how much telling the story had affected the older man, even taking a physical toll in the set of his shoulders and posture.  Regardless of her sympathy for him, she couldn’t keep from saying, “Instead you were responsible for the loss of another life.”

Sagging a bit further into his chair, he sighed.  “Somehow I knew this would come up again.”

“You made me doubt everything I’d ever believed in.  It’s not like I just got OVER that.”  No longer in fear of him, she shifted back around the chair to sit.

He slipped the silver rimmed glasses back on his face and looked down his nose.  “You realize I don’t have to justify myself to you.”

“No, you don’t,” she conceded.  “But we all have to justify ourselves in the end.”

Lightning struck in his storm cloud eyes, and his fist pounded to the desk with a ‘thump’.  “Don’t you think I know that?  Don’t you think that their souls are on my mind EVERY day?”

“Then why didn’t you admit you were wrong?” she persisted, leaning forward with her own brand of lightning flashing.

“That subject is not open for discussion,” he declared, storm clouds clashing with the summer sky as he boldly met her gaze.  “Ask your other questions, if you have them.  If not, you’ll excuse me.”

The stubborn set of his jaw looked awfully familiar.  She may have seen it in the mirror on an occasion or two.  She may be wearing it that very moment, but the desire to be right fought with her curiosity, and curiosity won.  Being right didn’t have an expiration date.

“You met Frannie in 1970,” she prompted, retracting her claws.  “She fell in love with you, you left on another assignment.  She didn’t tell you about me until the last minute.  Why didn’t you come?  Didn’t you love her?”

“I did.”

This man was just beyond the point of being exasperating.  He knew what she was asking, so why was he being so difficult?  “Did what?  Come or love her?”

“Both.”  His eyes had never wavered. 

“Could I get a little more than that?”

“I came as soon as I got the letter, but travel wasn’t as efficient in 1971 as it is today, particularly in the winter from Michigan to upstate New York.  It was February 20^th when I finally arrived.  Frannie was already gone.”

“And you didn’t ask about the baby?  YOUR baby?”  She found that difficult to believe.  How do you accept the death of the woman you loved and your child so easily?  Unless you didn’t really want them to start with.

“Who was I supposed to ask?” he demanded.  “The nuns and priests that she’d been hiding her pregnancy from?  Because the doctors certainly wouldn’t tell me anything other than she died from a ruptured appendix.  I had no choice but to assume the baby died along with her.  The moment I saw you, I called up the vital statistics office and found out you had indeed been born.”

“And yet you still didn’t say anything to me.”

“Allegra, I’m a Bishop.  It would ruin me if anyone found out I had a child.”

“So you ran me off.”

He sighed and wiped his hand down his face.  “I did what I thought was best for that little girl.  She was miserable here.  I hoped that a change of environment would do her good.”

“But I TOLD you how miserable she was in the group home!”

“Yes, you did.”  The pitch of his voice rose to match hers.  “Repeatedly!  Do you think I could just go back on my decision because a Sister badgered me to death?  How would that look?  Especially if anyone found out about our situation.  Things worked out for the best.”

“Did they?”  Allegra stood and leaned with her palms flat on his desk, her face directly in his.  “Tessa died.  I got raped and ended up pregnant.  Is that for the best?”

The words sucked every bit of the fight from him and he pushed the chair back from his desk.  “I’m just a man,” he told her sadly.  “I make mistakes like anyone else.  But no one could possibly be any sorrier than I am.  I live with regret every day – over you, Frannie, Sal and Tessa.  You can’t possibly make me feel any more remorse than I already do.”

Seeing that his physical demeanor bore the truth of his words, she straightened, removing her hands from the desk.  “You’re right.  I don’t have to live with this, you do.  Somehow I don’t think we’ll be spending the holidays together, Daddy dearest.  But then again, you wouldn’t want word of your bastard love child spreading through the Church community anyway.”

He winced at her bluntness.  “Allegra, I’m not a bad man.  Don’t blame me for my ignorance of your existence.  Things may have been different if I’d known.”

“Maybe,” she allowed.  “But I guess we’ll never know.  Thank you for your time, Bishop.”

She had spun only halfway around when his voice stopped her.

“Wait.”  His hands fumbled to pull open the lap drawer on the desk, scrambling around for something inside.  “I want you to have my personal phone number – in case you need anything.  I don’t expect you to use it, but you should have it just in case.”  He pulled out a pen and notepad, leaving the drawer open while he scribbled the information down.

Her attention was drawn by the sun glinting through the window and bouncing off of something in the front of the drawer.  Something shiny.

Oh my God.

“Where did you get that?”  Her voice came out a squeak, and she pointed to the platinum cross winking up at her with its eight diamonds from the desk drawer.

The Bishop looked down in confusion, trying to see what had her so flustered.  When his eyes lit upon the cross, he stammered, “A… a parishioner brought that to me.  Said they found it in the sanctuary.  I’ve had in in here for safekeeping.  Why?  Do you recognize it?”

Felix has found me.  I have to get out of here.

She began backing toward the door.  “It’s mine,” she mumbled.  “The man who raped me took it.  I – I’m sorry.  I have to go.”

Allegra whirled and wrested the door open with a vicious jerk, striding blindly from the office and nearly colliding with Sister Celeste down the hall.

“Allegra,” she stopped her.  “There’s a man in the parlor demanding to see you.”

It’s him. 

Back in his office, the Bishop had put the last of the puzzle pieces in place.  His chin dropped to his chest and he crossed himself, bemoaning, “Oh God, what have I done?  I never meant for anything like this to happen.”

He hadn’t intended that any harm to come to her. 

He’d met Felix several months ago while conducting a visitation program at a minimum security prison.  The younger man had been serving time for internet hacking and was an exemplary inmate, who looked forward to the Bishop’s visits each week.  During several such visits, Felix expressed a concern about how he would find work once his sentence had been served. 

Coincidentally enough, his term ended about the same time Allegra had left the Church.  Having just found her, the Bishop hadn’t wanted to sever contact just yet and thought of Felix.  He knew some people, who knew some people and got him hired into the crew for her cousin’s band.

Felix was just supposed to watch Allegra and let him know how she was doing.  Make sure she was okay in a world she’d never lived in before. 

Not this.

Yet one more thing to be responsible for.  One more person suffering because of him.  Had his entire life been lived in vain?  Was there any good to come of it at all? 

The questions rattled around his head as the pain seared his heart.  As he’d told Allegra, he wasn’t a bad man.  He actually had a very soft heart, which may be where the problem lie. 

Well not this time.  Atonement must be made, he decided with authority. 

Unfortunately, he was not in a position to administer such atonement.  But he bet he knew someone who could.

Foraging again in his desk drawer, he found the contact information he was seeking, thankful for the foresight he’d had in obtaining it.  Not wanting to risk being associated with the likes of Felix, he tapped *67 on the phone to ensure his privacy, and referred to back to the sheet of paper.  He peered at the number through his bifocals, dialing each digit as he read it.  The last number was tapped, and with bated breath he waited for his party to answer.

“Mr. Bongiovi?  You don’t know me, but I have some information that you may be interested in…”