One Hundred Thirteen

I have to take just a minute to sincerely thank you, the amazing readers of this little tale, for your encouragement and support.  Your comments after the last chapter really were amazing, and I appreciate the time you took the post them.  The only problem is, they almost make me want to stop writing while I'm ahead...lol.  But I guess it wouldn't be fair to leave you hanging, would it?  So, from the bottom of my heart, thanks!!  Now the answer you've been waiting for...

She lifted her face, turning to regard him somberly while weighing his stipulation in her mind.  The easiest thing would be to say ‘yes, of course I will’ and get their lives back on track.  But would he even believe such an immediate response?  Or is that was he was looking for?  Instant obedience?

“I want to tell you yes, completely and wholeheartedly giving myself over to whatever demands you have,” she finally spoke.  “But I can’t.”

His jaw turned to steel and his mouth drew into a flat line as her words formed a block of ice in his chest. 

She’s going to blow off our entire relationship because of her damn ego.  Mother.  Fucker.  One more woman to screw me over.

“Richie, I’ve never shared my life with anyone.  For all of my adult life, I’ve had no one but myself to depend upon or be accountable to on a daily basis.”

Did she think this was helping?  He didn’t fuckin’ care.  He just wanted to put the pain out of his mind.  “Allegra, stop.  It doesn’t matter.  If you’re refusing, you’re refusing.  I don’t care why.”

Her eyes flashed with the white-hot brilliance of her temper, and for the first time since she’d returned, he saw a hint of the woman who’d shared that beach with him in Hawaii.

“I’ve endured your anger all day and night without complaint.  Could you at least give me the courtesy of listening for TWO minutes without interrupting?”

His chin tipped upward at the instant urge to pop off with a smart-assed retort, but he firmly clamped his lips closed and nodded once as the irritation zinged up his spine.

“As I was saying, I’ve never had to weave someone into the fabric of my everyday life, and I guess I expected it to be something that came naturally.  Loving you was supposed to make everything else fall into place.  Evidently, I was wrong.” 

She turned to face his indignation with such resolve that he was shocked by the humble voice admitting, “I don’t know what I’m doing here Richie, but I want to learn.  I can’t just give you a flat ‘yes’ to your ultimatum and have both of us believe that I’m going to turn into the perfect woman, because in all likelihood, that’s not going to happen.  What I CAN say is that I’ll try to start thinking more like a ‘we’ than a ‘me’ and ask you to be patient with me in the meantime.”  Her resolve became overshadowed with uncertainty.  “Is that acceptable?”

He could feel the block of ice that encased his heart begin to crack.  She actually couldn’t have given him a more perfect answer.  She got it.  She understood what he was saying.

“Yeah,” he granted quietly, beginning to soften a little. “That’s acceptable.”

Allegra wanted to collapse into his arms with relief, but after getting ahead of herself earlier, she was reluctant.  Being rejected again might take her last bit of composure.  A piece of fuzz on the blue floral comforter captured her attention and she trained her gaze on it instead of taking a chance on looking into cold brown eyes.

“So where does that leave us on the unforgivable sin?” she asked with an indifference she didn’t feel. 

Richie wasn’t sure.  As he’d thought several times already, he wanted things to go back the way they were, but he didn’t know if that was possible.  And if it was, he didn’t know how long it would take.  No matter how much it seemed like pure anger to the others, it was all to cover up the hurt.  He wasn’t TRYING to be an asshole, but trusting her again was going to take some time and effort on both their parts. 

“Your willingness to try goes a long way and I’m going to try and put this behind us, but right now it still hurts like hell when I think about it.  Especially that you told Dave first.”

Feeling the muscles in her back begin to knot, she wiggled her bottom on the mattress until she felt the headboard relieve some of the pressure. 

“I didn’t mean for it to happen, because it wasn’t my intention to tell anyone other than you – when the time was right.  This morning,” God, had it only been that morning?  “I was a little bit emotional when he showed up.”

“Emotional over something that happened, or was it just the guilt eating at you?”  Stop being a prick.  She’s already promised to try.

Allegra took the high road and chose not to argue with him. 

“Jon told me he got a call about where Felix may be, so it’s not nearly as scary now, but I thought he’d found me at the cloister.”

Recalling the night of the attack, he remembered how frightened and upset she’d been.  Being essentially unprotected and afraid that her rapist had discovered her again was definitely reason to go running for any familiar face. 

“What happened to make you think that?”

“The cross you gave me was found in the sanctuary.  How could that happen if he hadn’t been there? And I can’t imagine that he coincidentally wandered in to worship.”  Shrugging, she went on, “Anyway, I had JUST heard that piece of news when one of the sisters said that a man was downstairs demanding to see me.  Needless to say, I was a little freaked out.  It turned out to be David, but at that point I wasn’t exactly in a state of mind to be dodging questions.  He asked why I’d left and I told him.”

Hearing his sniff, she stole a look at him and stifled a sigh at the displeasure on his face.  “Don’t be mad at him.  When he found out, the first words out of his mouth were ‘you have to tell Richie’.”

Her account pretty well affirmed what David had said AND Jon’s speculation.  It also dimmed the remainder of Richie’s anger with him.  He still didn’t agree with what David had done, but everyone insisted it had been done with him in mind, so he was willing to let it go. 

Maybe he needed to be mad at himself a little bit for sitting around on his ass just waiting for her to come back.  If he’d jumped into it with both feet like David had, this could’ve been over with already.  Unfortunately, it was too late to fix it.  He just had to live with the consequences and move forward.

For the first time, his hand reached for her and came to rest on her knee.  Cautiously, she covered it with her own, reveling in the heat that seeped from his skin. 

Peeking at him from under her lashes, she asked, “Does this mean you won’t push me away if I try and touch you now?”

The corner of his mouth kicked up with the ghost of a smile.  “No, I won’t push you away.  C’mere.”  He overturned his hand to wrap around hers and tugged her closer.  A strong arm anchored itself around her back and she curled into him, resting a cheek against his chest with a contented sigh.

He silently echoed that sentiment.  She felt awfully damn good snuggled there.  It was almost enough to make him forget the hurt. 

Almost.

You can’t jump headlong back into this.  Wait and see.  Protect your heart for a while, until you see whether she’s going to hurt you again.  Make sure she’s the woman you think she is.

Self-lecture aside, he wanted to be a little closer.  Just for a minute.  He lightly rested his chin on top of her head and inhaled the sweet berry scent that had embedded itself in the dark locks trailing down his arm.  Richie would never smell berries again without thinking of her. 

Mentally stepping away from his berry obsession, he decided that now might be a good time to ask a couple of questions that had been plaguing him.

“If you told us you were working, what did you tell Sister Mary?  And Gus?  How the hell did you escape a professional security guard without sending up any red flags?”

“Mm,” she mumbled around a yawn.  “I told Sister Mary I couldn’t bear to be away from you anymore and was going on tour.  She was less than impressed and thinks I’m a groupie whore now.  I’ll never be able to look her in the eye again.  I told Gus pretty much the same thing.”

“Wait a minute.  He was being paid to protect you, and Gus takes his job very seriously.  I find it hard to believe you said ‘see ya’ and he let you walk away.”

She snuggled in closer, her voice becoming muffled.  “It took some convincing.  I told him I wanted to go see you and explained how much the element of surprise would… enhance my visit.  In the end, he chose to help you get laid.  Must be a guy thing.”

He chuckled quietly.  “I think I’m gonna be more willing to overlook that lapse in work ethic than Jon is.”

Silence was her only reply. 

“Allegra?”

Still no answer. 

He craned his neck trying to see her face, but couldn’t quite manage the right angle.  He didn’t want to move her, so he held very still, listening closely.  It wasn’t long before he made out the sounds of deep, even breaths, and he shook his head with silent laughter.

She was asleep.

Under normal circumstances, he would be insulted, but everyone had gone on and on about how little sleep she’d been getting.  He’d seen the results firsthand.  So rather than being insulted, he softened a bit more with the knowledge that he could provide her the halcyon she desperately needed in order to rest.

Moving carefully, so as not to wake her, he reached for the lamp and, with a flick of the switch, restored the room to its former darkened state.  Tomorrow morning would be time enough to talk about the baby. 

Richie closed his eyes, trailing fingertips lightly along the length of her arm, and sent up a little prayer for the strength to rebuild what they’d lost along with the wisdom to proceed slowly.  As an afterthought, he tacked on a request for a little mutual agreement for when they finally did get around to talking about the baby.

Tentative fingers edged further around her hip until he could brush  her stomach with their tips.  He couldn’t feel any indication that there was a baby living in there, or any movement.  Logic told him it was too early, but he couldn’t resist the temptation.

He’d been so impatient when Heather was pregnant.  Every day, he’d poked and prodded and touched, waiting for the moment that the little life inside her would reach out to him.  Then, finally, it had come – the day Ava had greeted him with a faint fluttering under his palm.  It had been the most thrilling day of his life up to that point.  Record deals, number one songs, the first million dollars – none of it compared to the confirmation that he’d helped create a precious and beautiful life.

And now he was going to experience it all over again with another baby.  At least he thought he was.  You could never be completely sure with Allegra.  Based on their exchange tonight, he thought everything was going to be okay, but God only knew.  She may have some hare-brained notion in mind that would make his head explode.

Surely not.  She regretted the way things had gone this past week.  Didn’t she?

He carefully replayed their conversation over in his mind, but couldn’t recall that she’d actually said that.  Or that she was sorry.

Tremendous.  He just HAD to go and find another piece that needed to fit into a puzzle he’d already completed.