Chapter 112

Richie lay in bed still mulling over his mother’s question, as she’d requested, before coming to a final decision.  Or at least he was trying to.

Rolling onto his back, he stared through the darkness at the ceiling and tried to pretend he didn’t know Allegra was sleeping in the other bedroom.  He hadn’t looked, but he knew.  The smell of berries was very faint, but he had been craving it for so long, it may as well have been a suffocating cloud of the most expensive perfume at Neiman Marcus.

This isn’t getting you anywhere, dumbass.

No, but neither was anything else.  It was time to stop, rewind and hit the play button again.  Start this episode from the beginning and see what he’d missed the first time through.

When had he first fallen in love with her?

Was it when she’d so thoughtfully brought his daughter to share Valentine’s Day with him?  Or the first time she stared him belligerently in the face and told him she HAD to work and wouldn’t be a kept woman?  Or when she’d tenaciously protected his feelings from being hurt by his best friend?  Or when he’d walked into that Detroit suite and been soothed by the oasis that was Allegra?

No.  His lips twisted in a wry grin.  In all probability, the moment she’d stolen his heart was that first morning in Hawaii.  When she’d told him to either go on his merry way, or sit down, shut up and wait because she wasn’t leaving until she’d seen the sunrise.

All of those other times had only cemented the fact.  In reflecting upon them as a whole, he realized each of those instances had one thing in common – they were all evidence of her spunk and determination.  Despite twenty plus years of listening to Jon sing Dot’s praises, he’d never dreamed that a strong-willed woman could be such a turn on.  And he knew first-hand that she was just as protective with the attitude as she was defensive. 

Which meant that as much as he hated what she’d done, he loved why she did it.  As he’d told his mother, Allegra wasn’t being malicious; she thought she was protecting him. 

Damn it all to hell.

He wasn’t ready to be over his anger yet.  What would’ve happened if this paternity test had proven that he WASN’T the father?  She wouldn’t have come back.  He knew it in his heart.  And that was totally unacceptable. 

How would she take care of a child by herself?  Would she be able to give it the love it deserved if it was a result of the rape?  Who would be there to hold her up when she was exhausted from two o’clock feedings?

So many questions and still not a single answer.

Richie punched his pillow, burying his head in it and praying it would all come to him in a dream.

♪♫♪

Midnight found Allegra propped up in bed with a dog-eared mystery novel that had been tucked carelessly in the living room bookcase.  She’d just read the same page for at least the third time when she heard Richie close his bedroom door and putter around inside, presumably getting ready for bed. 

Tugging the borrowed Giants nightshirt over her bent knees, she firmly scrapped every instinct she had to go to him.  The ball was in his court now, and he would let her know when he was ready to talk.  She assumed.

In the meantime, she was thankful for the rest of the Jovi family and their support today.

After her failed attempt at a nap, she joined Dot in the main house, immersing herself in the antics of the younger boys and their video games.   They’d just begun what had to have been the tenth Mario Kart race when Tico and David arrived, seeking to say goodbye before they departed for the evening.

Tico was the only one she hadn’t seen since her return, and for some reason, his tight bear hug and gruff, ‘I’ll do whatever I can for you, bella,’ had brought tears to her eyes.  She’d gripped his muscled shoulders in gratitude, knowing that she had to get herself together.  She had to stop falling to pieces all the time.  It wasn’t like her, and she hoped it was only a temporary result of the pregnancy. 

David hadn’t helped matters any by whispering in her ear, “I love you, sweet thing.  You know when you need me I’m gonna be there.  Every – single – time.”

Sniffling, she swiped at the tears with the back of her hand. “I love you too, and can’t possibly tell you how much I appreciate everything you’ve done.”  Cracking a watery smile, she commanded, “Now go home to your fiancée.”

“You sure you’re gonna be okay this evening?” he asked, concern making him frown.  “You could always come home with me.  Lexi wouldn’t mind you joining us, I’m sure.”

Knowing that SHE would hate it in Lexi’s position, Allegra declined politely.  “I’ll be fine here.  The kids will be a good distraction, if Jon and Dot will put up with me.”

“There’s no ‘putting up with you’,” Jon interjected, overhearing her comment upon entering the family room.  “I don’t want you anyplace other than right here, surrounded by your family tonight.  Dottie said that Sophia is fixing your favorite chicken alfredo for dinner, and I want to make sure you’re eating enough for two.”

Rolling her eyes, she teased, “I’m not exactly starving myself Jon, but I appreciate Sophia going to the trouble.  It sounds delicious.” 

“Okay, since you’re in such high demand,” David sighed dramatically.  “I guess I’ll go.  Call me tomorrow and let me know how you’re doing.”

“Sure, if you’ll leave me your number,” Allegra agreed, while wrinkling her nose in embarrassment.  “I don’t have my phone anymore and it had everybody’s number stored, so I never learned them.”

“What happened?” David asked worriedly.  “Did you lose it, or is it with the rest of your stuff at the convent?”

“Cloister,” she corrected absently.  “No, I just don’t have it anymore.”  She didn’t want to tell them she’d intentionally left it at Richie’s so she wouldn’t be tempted to cave in and come home.

“Then we’ll get you another one.  Until then, I’ve got his number if you wanna use the house phone,” Jon cut in.  “And I’ll leave you a list of all our numbers in case you need them.”

“Legs, where is your phone?” 

“Philly,” she mumbled, silently cursing his unwillingness to let it go.

“You left it in the condo.”  David’s curls bounced as he slowly nodded in comprehension.  “Well that explains the supposed lack of cell signal.”

“It also means Rich should have it.  You won’t be without it too long,” Jon assured her confidently.

Allegra didn’t think it was likely.  It may still be on the bed in Philadelphia, or he could have donated it to charity or thrown it out the window.  Regardless, it was gone and it would be safer to assume it wasn’t going to be returned.

“Jon, can you just leave me the list of numbers?”

He bobbed his head in agreement and, after David had departed, said, “You’ll get your phone back, Allegra.”

Not feeling that the subject was worth pursuing, she asked when dinner would be ready and went to seek out the company of the younger boys, who had been sent to the play room. 

It wasn’t until she was seated at the dining room table that she knew Richie wouldn’t be joining them, and was, according to Jon, having dinner with his mother.  She wondered where else he’d gone before making his way back to the guest house at midnight.

With a sigh of frustration, Allegra tossed the book aside and threw the covers back, desperate to escape her own thoughts and company.

Deciding that an exploration of the refrigerator’s contents would at least distract her, she opened the bedroom door and padded softly along the hallway.  As she neared the bedroom where Richie slept, she couldn’t prevent her feet from slowing.  The muffled sound of his snores filtered through the door, drawing her as effectively as a siren’s song. 

The thought had no more crossed her mind than she was laughing at herself.  Only a truly besotted woman would liken a man’s snore to the song of a siren.

Silly or not, she was unable to resist the lure.  She cautiously twisted the knob and eased the door open, praying that it didn’t squeak.   When it opened enough to admit her without a sound, she breathed a sigh of relief.

Allegra hadn’t been in the blue bedroom since the first day she’d moved into the guest house, when Stephanie was showing her around and said that Richie never slept in here.  Observing that his feet hung over the end of the queen-sized bed, she could see why, and it made her wonder why he’d chosen this room now.  Did the brown bedroom dredge up too many memories for him, too?

It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the semi-darkness, as the room’s only light came from the moonlight filtering in the two windows opposite the bed.  It wasn’t long before she could make out his sleeping form lying face down, the covers pooling at his waist and leaving his broad back bare.  He was facing away from her, so she couldn’t see his face, only a thatch of sleep tousled hair. 

She’d only intended to peek in on him, but being even this close suffused her with a feeling of contentment.

Maybe just being in the same room will unwind me enough to rest awhile.

Eyeing the overstuffed armchair by the window, she stealthily crept across the room and curled herself into it.  The nightshirt had bunched up, and she squirmed to get everything righted again.  To her dismay, she didn’t notice that his phone was balanced on the chair arm until it slid to the floor, bouncing off the hardwood floor with a clatter.

Richie inhaled deeply and turned toward the noise, squinting into the dimness.  She was concealed almost entirely in shadows, save for the moonlight bouncing off the white nightshirt.

“Allegra?” he croaked sleepily.  “What are you doing here?”

Her breath became trapped in her throat, and she froze like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. 

Dammit, I can’t do anything right!

“I couldn’t sleep and thought being close to you may help,” she explained softly.  “Then your phone fell in the floor.  I’m sorry I woke you.”

His silence was intimidating as he continued to peer through the darkness, and her stomach clenched into a knot.  Even half-asleep, Richie was evidently still angry enough to resent her presence in the room.  Accepting the unspoken disapproval, she extended her legs and rose to leave.

“I’ll go.  I’m sorry.”

A deep sigh worked its way from his lungs and found her ears just as her fingertips came in contact with the cold metal of the doorknob.  “C’mere.”

At his voice, she stopped in her tracks, turning to glance back over her shoulder.  Was she already asleep and dreaming?  Surely she hadn’t heard him right.  “What?”  

He scooted to one side of the bed and lifted up the corner of the blanket.  “C’mere.  You can lay down with me.”

Allegra couldn’t suppress the excitement that went spiraling through her.  He asked me into his bed.  Oh my God, everything’s going to be okay.

Without a word, she stole to the bedside and slipped under the offered covers, reaching for him.  “Richie-“

“No,” he interrupted, holding her hands at bay.  “I’m too tired to go into this tonight.  Just go to sleep and we’ll talk in the morning.”

The first time he’d touched her in three long weeks and it was to push her away. 

In an instant, her excitement dissolved into dejection.  The peace she’d sought from his nearness had become decidedly UN-peaceful, and without a word, she turned over to face the window.  It was stupid to get her hopes raised by such a simple gesture anyway.

Vile, horrible tears leaked unwanted from tightly closed eyes.

Stop crying, you silly woman!  Just because when you think it can’t hurt any worse, it does isn’t a reason for tears.  There’s no new pain, just more of the old.

Richie was busy kicking himself in the ass for inviting her to lie down with him.  He sure as hell wasn’t going to get any sleep now, he thought, staring at the ceiling once again.  The gentle rocking of the mattress let him know that she was crying and wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon either.

He rubbed his hand wearily across his eyes, and then dropped it to the bed with an audible ‘plop’. 

Since we’re both up anyway…

His movement had been enough to capture her attention, and her shoulders stopped shaking.  She sniffed daintily, holding her body rigidly still, as though afraid he was going to hurt her.

Dammit, he was the one who had been hurt.

“You broke my heart,” he spoke quietly into the night.  “Twice.  Once when you left, and the other when I found out what you’d been keeping from me.”

Her response was so soft, he could barely make it out when she said, “I broke my own heart too, if it makes any difference.”  Allegra turned so that she, too, was lying on her back.  “Don’t you think that you’re the first person I wanted to run to?  I couldn’t think of anything but being in your arms and having you tell me everything would be okay.”

“But you didn’t run to me.  You ran FROM me.”  He pushed himself up to lean against the headboard, summoning the will to get through this.  “You know, Allegra, from the first moment you said the words, I never doubted that you loved me.  Once I realized I felt the same way, I thought we were set.  That love was all we needed.”

Shaking his head ruefully, he laughed without humor.  “I was wrong again.  As wonderful and romantic as love is, it isn’t what sets the foundation of a relationship.  Love isn’t shit without respect or trust, and it’s obvious that you don’t have either for me.”

“That’s not true…” she protested through a throat clogged with tears that she refused to shed.  “I was just trying to keep you from having to deal with a difficult situation that I brought on.”

She was just a baby herself when it came to these things.  She didn’t fuckin’ understand.

“Allegra, I’m fifty years old.  I don’t need you to shield me from things that are difficult.  LIFE is difficult, but that doesn’t mean you stop living, because eventually the good outweighs the bad.  What I need is for you to stand beside me and face the difficulties.   We can get through them together.”  

He turned his head to the side, unable to make out her features in the darkness.  Tired of not being able to at least gauge her reaction to his words, he reached for the switch on the bedside lamp, illuminating the room with a flick of his wrist.  Covering his eyes, he allowed himself a moment to adjust to the light before turning his gaze back to her.

Now able to see her clearly, he noted that she had shifted into an upright position, legs crossed Indian-style under the sheets.  She was engrossed in the comforter, and repetitively scraped her thumbnail across it in a nervous gesture.

“This isn’t the first time you’ve taken it upon yourself to make a major decision for me, because you didn’t trust or respect my opinion, and I’m not going to stand by and let it happen again.”

He pointedly reminded her, “I’ve gone out of my way to consider your feelings in every damn thing we’ve done – the  condo, security, even the fuckin’ morning after pill.  I think you’ll agree that I haven’t exactly been given the same consideration.   You’re pregnant with what could be my child, yet you didn’t think it was necessary to share that with me.”

“But…”

“No.  There’s no justification that’s going to explain that away.  None.”

He knew why she’d done it.  She’d made it abundantly clear.  Richie just didn’t think it was a good enough reason.

“So what are you saying?” she whispered.  “I’ve committed the unpardonable sin?”

Could he find it within himself to forgive it?

“Honest to God, I don’t know.  What I DO know is that I’m putting my foot down.  If you’ll agree to my single demand, then I’ll take the time to figure it out.  If not, there’s no point in making an effort.”

Allegra’s chin dropped to meet her sternum, and her shoulders slumped.  “What is it?” she whispered, face hidden by a dark curtain of hair.

She looked like a beaten woman, and it made him die a little inside.

Was he being unnecessarily cruel? 

He didn’t think so.  Maybe his approach wasn’t as delicate is it could be, but there was no way he could move on without this.  It just wouldn’t work.

“This has to be a partnership.  We either make the decisions together, or we’re done.  That’s the ultimatum.”