Sixty-Five

Dumbfounded, she struggled out of his embrace, sitting rigidly upright and searching his face for more information.  There had to be more.

 “Are you saying…?”

His fingertips lightly touched her cheek.  “You may be pregnant.”

Her mind raced in a dozen different directions.  Was it her fault?  Did she put the condom on wrong?  It didn’t really happen after just one time, right?  Did she want a baby?  Would she be a good mother?  Did Richie want a baby? 

Richie’s baby.

Richie.

She faced him, panic stricken, opening her mouth to say… something.  Anything. 

“How…  You…  What…?”  

But there were no words.  Her mind and mouth couldn’t collaborate long enough to form a coherent sentence.

“It’s okay,” he soothed, wrapping her up in his embrace.  “C’mere and let me hold you a minute.”

She’d been struck completely dumb.  There was no choice but to obey, so she nodded mutely and leaned into his strength. 

A baby.

For twenty years, she’d envisioned living out her life in the cloister, becoming an old, gray nun.  Never had children entered into the picture.  Sure, she’d had the semi-drunken moment in Hawaii that she’d kind of wished for one – but that was more about taking care of someone than an actual baby.  Now she had Richie and her job.  She was needed.  She was fulfilled.

Wasn’t she?

“I’m guessing by your reaction that you’re not on birth control?” His quiet inquiry interrupted her soul searching.

Her head automatically shook, delivering a negative response.

“Do you know when your last period was?”

“I… can’t… remember the date.  Right before Las Vegas.”

Two weeks ago. 

If her memory of high school biology served correctly, that meant she should be at the most fertile point in her cycle.

Oh God.  I could be carrying Richie’s baby right NOW.

Her hands flew to her stomach, vainly trying to feel for something different.  Some sign of life.  A life that may not even exist.

 The mattress shifted as he rolled to his side, levering up on his elbow to watch her.  “Allegra, how are you going to feel if you ARE pregnant?  Do you want kids?”

“I… I don’t know.  Kids just aren’t something I ever thought about.  I don’t know.’”

“Well…”  He let his hand drift down to her belly, placing it gently over hers.  “I know I’d be ecstatic.”

Of course.  She hadn’t even thought about how this might affect HIM.  Granted, it was her body, but it would be his child too.  Lifting her face she found nothing but a calm serenity in his gaze.  There was no sign of distress whatsoever. 

“You would?”

“Oh yeah.”  He smiled at the thought.  “There’s nothing in the world like being a dad.  I wish I had a whole houseful of kids, but Heather didn’t feel the same way.  Honestly, it’s probably the biggest part of why we split up.  She knew how much I wanted another baby and felt like I was pressuring her to get pregnant.  Maybe, subconsciously, I was.”

That should’ve made her feel better – and it did to a certain degree.  But, for the moment, the romantic notion of giving Richie his fondest wish was dwarfed by the dark, looming towers of reality.  If her parents were outraged at his marital status, getting pregnant out of wedlock was going to send them off the deep end. 

“What will we do?”  She didn’t bother adding on ‘about my family’, ‘about the band’, ‘about my job’, ‘about…us’.  All of it was implied.

“We’ll get married and have a baby.”  Richie said it so matter-of-factly, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

“Married?!”  Allegra drew back as though he’d bitten her.

“Well, yeah.  I guess.  Isn’t that what you’d want?”

I WANT us to date for a while, find out we can’t live without each other, get married, THEN decide we want a baby.

“Richie, we’ve only known each other a few weeks.  Today was the FIRST time you could say you loved me.  You’re seriously bringing up marriage?  Sweetie, in case you’ve forgotten, I’m not from Hollywood.  When I get married, it will be forever.  No divorce, no annulment, no affairs.”

“You think because I’m divorced that I’m not a good husband,” was his interpretation. 

“I didn’t say that!” she huffed, rubbing her forehead in frustration.  “And how could I know? Since we started dating, we’ve never been together for more than two days in a row.”

Didn’t he get that it was too soon?  How could she make him understand that marriage was out of the question at this point in their lives – especially based on the supposition that she MIGHT be pregnant.  Then again, why should she have to?  This was getting blown out of proportion way too quickly.  It would be better to step back before they said or did something completely absurd. 

Allegra sighed quietly, picking up his hand and twining their fingers together.  “We may be putting the cart before the horse you know.  Nobody has said I’m pregnant, and it was only the one time.  There’s really no point in getting all worked up until we know something definite.”  Scooching down in the bed, she pulled the covers over them with her free hand.  “Now…   If I’m counting right, I should start my period next week.  If I don’t?  Well, then we’ll talk.  At least it will give us more time to rationally think through it all.  Right now, I just want to get some sleep.  Is that okay?”

Allegra attempted to gauge his thoughts by the expression on his face, and thankfully, she saw that he seemed a little muddled, but not unhappy.  With any lucky, a good night’s sleep would make things seem less overwhelming for her.

Reaching for the light, he agreed, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”  He curled his arm around her, spooning up against the length of her back.  “But I’d still count it a blessing.”

♥  ♫  ♥

“Sunshine, are you ready to go?”

“Just a minute,” she called from the bathroom, futilely trying to camouflage the dark circles under her eyes. 

They were headed over to the arena to meet up with the band and run through a song with somebody named Kid Rock.  He was to perform with them that night and they needed to do a quick once over to make sure everyone was comfortable.  Normally, they would do it during sound check, but he had another commitment of some sort.

Afterward Richie was going to do a short phone interview for WTB, then accompany her to the Foundation office.  All that was to be followed by sound check, dinner and the show. 

It was going to be a long day, after a long restless night. 

Allegra felt as though she’d watched each minute of the night pass by on the bedside clock.  She must have slept a little, because every time she woke up she found that Richie either had his arm around her or his hand on her stomach.  Even in his sleep, he seemed to be mindful that she may be carrying his baby.

She had no doubt he was and would be an amazing father.

What she couldn’t get over was how a single instant could change EVERYTHING.  Nothing looked the same with a hypothetical child looming in the wings.  She had to amend every thought that drifted through her mind to include the possibility.  Work made her think about maternity leave and day care.  Dinner plans brought to mind car seats and babysitters.  Richie led her to wonder who the baby might look like.  Realizing she had to pee made her think about diapers.  And on, and on, and on…

Exhaustion had finally claimed her sometime just before dawn.

“Sunshine?”  Richie called again.

“I’m coming!”  With a huff of frustration, she let her cosmetic bag drop to the counter, taking one last inventory of herself in the mirror.  Her hair was placed in a loose knot at the back of her neck, silver hoops shining from her earlobes.  The concealer hadn’t fully disguised the dark smudging around her eyes, but every little bit helped.  Her chocolate pantsuit and beige camisole, coupled with brown loafers gave her the appearance she was shooting for.   If it had only been the guys, it wouldn’t have mattered how she looked, but she would be meeting the director of the Detroit office.  She had to look at least semi-professional.

With a small nod of satisfaction, she went to join Richie in the main area of the suite.

“Wow.  You look like you mean business.” 

“I AM going to be doing a little work today.  But,” she pointed to a small overnight bag.  “I thought I’d leave this in your dressing room so I can change clothes before the show.”

“Smart girl,” he approved, pulling her close and dropping a kiss on her forehead.  “So how ya doin’?  You okay?”

She studied the cross hanging from his neck, fingering it lightly as she considered the question.  “Yeah.”

Richie pushed her chin up to meet his eyes.  “Hey.  Whatever happens, we’ll make it work.   I promise.”

“I know,” she said with a little smile.  “Thank you.”

“Now let’s get the hell outta here before Jon starts blowing up my phone.”

♥  ♫  ♥

“I was just walking through my house, scratching my butt, and thought ‘White Trash Beautiful’.  Ya know, that sounds like a women’s clothing line.”

Allegra groaned silently.  It was the fourth time she’d heard the same goofy response to, what she assumed, was the same trite question.  Richie’s one short phone interview had turned into six long ones, and counting. 

She should’ve gone with Jon when he left for the Foundation almost two hours ago.  He told her every time he was in town that he made it a point to stop in, and invited her to ride over with him.  She graciously declined because Richie assured her he would only be a ‘few more minutes’.

Now she was bored, anxious, irritated and, most of all, tired.  It was almost three o’clock.  She couldn’t wait for him any longer.  Allegra scooped up her coat and moved toward the door.  Not really caring if he heard her or not, she announced, “I’m leaving.  I’ll be back for the show.”

Turns out he wasn’t completely ignoring her, because he immediately interrupted his interview. “Excuse me just a second please.”  Placing the phone speaker against his thigh, he frowned at her.  “You’re not going by yourself into downtown Detroit.”

Not the best choice of words, considering her current mood.  Her irritation upgraded to a minor snit.

“I wouldn’t BE by myself if you’d told me this was going to take two hours!  Jon would’ve been with me.  As it stands now, I’m going to be rushing like crazy hoping there’s still enough time to meet with this woman.  This isn’t a shopping trip or something, you know.  It’s my JOB.”

“Okay, I’m sorry this is taking longer than I expected, but you’re NOT going by yourself.  I don’t care how rushed you are.  Matt should be around here.  He can go.”

Not even acknowledging what he’d said, she carelessly waved her hand and stepped through the doorway.

“Allegra!”  he yelled at the slowly closing door.

With a huff and a scowl, she poked her head back in the dressing room.  “What?”

“I’m serious!”

“Yeah, okay.” She placated him, saying whatever she thought would get her out of there the fastest.  “I’ll see if Matt’s hanging around.  I’ve got to go.”

“Hey!” he called once again to her retreating back.

“Whaat?!”  Her patience was ready to snap into a full-blown conniption fit.  If he were smart, he’d just shut up and let her leave.

“I love you.”

Great.  He wouldn’t even let her stay mad at him for five minutes.  This was either very good or very bad, but she didn’t have the time to decide which.

“Love you too,” she told him with a wry grin, before dashing out the door.  She was so intent on finding Matt – or a taxi – that she almost ran into one of the arena crew members.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, not looking at him. 

The man never slowed, but his voice floated after her.  “You should watch yourself.”

The words didn’t even register, as she hurriedly moved toward the nearest exit.  Pushing her way into the cold March afternoon, she offered up a silent prayer of thanks.  A taxi was idling next to the curb, as though it had been special ordered. 

Giving the cabbie her destination, she settled back in the seat to compose herself, hoping traffic wouldn’t be too horrific.  Her watch said it was almost three thirty and the Foundation offices closed at five.  All she could see was Sister Mary’s disapproving face if she didn’t make it in time – because of her boyfriend.

She silently willed the car to move faster.

 -