Twenty-Five

I just want to tell you guys how much I love and appreciate all your comments!  They keep me going :o)  Hope this one was worth the wait...

“It’s about damn time.  Not knowing has had me tied up in knots, so, yes, my time is yours.” 

Nodding, she leaned against him, and closed her eyes. 

“You know I was assigned to church orphanage.”

 His chest rumbled in acknowledgment.

“I would talk to the children there and try and help them with whatever problems they may be having.  An unofficial counselor as it were.  Back in the late spring, we got a new charge, Tessa.  A beautiful fourteen year old girl, whose parents were killed tragically in a car accident.”  Shaking her head, she added in an undertone, “Children that age have a hard enough time without losing their entire family in the blink of an eye.”

Jon’s arms tightened around her supportively.

“From day one, she didn’t want anyone’s help and she didn’t want to play by the rules.   That meant that her…  personal choices… were not the most sound.  Tessa went to school every day and came back to the orphanage every afternoon, but that was her only attempt at conformity. 

“When she left each morning, she was properly attired, and she came back the same way.  But in between she dressed… Provocatively is a nice way of putting it.  Her tops were skimpy and revealing, as were the short skirts or tight pants.  Add an excessive amount of makeup, and you can see that it certainly wasn’t befitting for a young teenage girl.

“We don’t even know where she was getting the clothes and makeup, but every time they were confiscated, she turned up with more.  I’m inclined to think she was doing a little shoplifting.  There’s really no other explanation for it.”

Jon tried to imagine Stephanie being in this position at the age of fourteen, and a feeling of sickness overwhelmed him.  He was grateful for his large, Italian family.  It gave him comfort knowing that, if something happened to him and Dot, his kids would be taken care of.

“I can only speculate that her appearance was a way of exerting some type of control over her life.   She was thrown into a rigid environment on the heels of tragedy.  That works well for some children, but others take exception to it.   

“Anyway, the Bishop asked me to speak to her on several different occasions about her behavior, but Tessa could’ve been a Bongiovi.  She didn’t take well to threats or demands.”  A wry smile curled her lips.  “Some of the sisters thought there was no hope for her, but that made me all the more determined.  I couldn’t stand to watch her hide behind the walls she had put up, knowing how much she had to be hurting on the inside.”

“Slowly, over a course of weeks,  I got her to talk to me just a little bit.  I’m not saying she poured her heart out to me, or that we were best friends, but she was starting to feel that she had someone she could let down her guard with.  There were moments that I felt we were making real progress.  I could swear there was a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

“So, like I said, she didn’t want to play by the rules and continued to ignore the ones that were being imposed on her.  Her appearance caught the eye of some teenage boys who had tried multiple times to to get her attention,  and she repeatedly ignored them or gave them attitude.   They didn’t appreciate either, and felt Tessa wasn’t living up to the unspoken promises her appearance was making.  On the way back from school one afternoon, she was attacked and raped.”  She sniffed, refusing to let the tears fall. 

“Jesus!” Jon breathed.  “Did they get the boys?”

“No.  They were from influential families and all presented themselves with solid alibis.  There wasn’t enough evidence to prove anything.

“Jon, my heart broke for this child.  How much cruelty could the world pile on her?  All I wanted to do was wrap her up and keep her safe.  I think you can probably identify with that feeling.”  She tipped the corner of her mouth up in a crooked smile.

“The Bishop, however did not agree.  He said we’d spent six months trying to show her the path and that she deliberately refused to follow it.  I begged, pleaded and bargained, but he released her to the state system, and she was moved into a group home.”

Allegra separated herself from him, growing restless.  Putting her feet on the floor, she fiddled with his discarded coffee cup from earlier, and continued.

“I went to visit her on the weekends, watching her slowly wither away to nothing.  I know the girls in the group home were mean to her, but I didn’t realize to what extent.  And, even though I spoke to them, the staff was too overburdened to be able to do anything about it.”  Exhaling, she schooled her face into an expressionless mask.  “Then, the Saturday after Christmas, I went to see her and they told me she was gone.”

“What do you mean gone?  She ran away?”

Her face was expressionless, but her voice was thick with unshed tears.  “Suicide.  She slit her wrists in the bathtub in the middle of the night.  She’d been dead for a couple of hours when one of the other girls found her.  No note, no nothing.”  Sniffing, she pinched the bridge of her nose before the tears could fall.  “Although, I guess it doesn’t take a mastermind to see why.

“I talked to the Bishop after I found out, and he didn’t seem to think the Church had any responsibility for what happened.  ‘We are not to question God’s way,’ he said.  But it’s wrong. We failed that little girl!  I personally failed that little girl by not standing up for my convictions.  I knew it wasn’t right to ship her off to a state run group home.  She was in no position to fight for herself, and no one else thought she was worth fighting for.  If I’d had more time to work with her, I know things could’ve been different.”

 Allegra looked at him over her shoulder.  “She’ll haunt me for the rest of my life, Jonny, but she’s taught me a lesson, so it’s not necessarily a bad thing.  I’ll know to stand up for what I believe, no matter what anyone else thinks.  I’m the one who has to live with the consequences.  I just hope that Tessa has found her peace, and that she forgives me.” 

Her voice trailed to a whisper, and she couldn’t keep it together anymore.  She huddled forward and let the tears flow, mourning the loss of a young life. 

“Ohhh Frannie…” Jon murmured, urging her close to him, eventually pulling her to sit in his lap like a small child.  He gently rocked her for long minutes as the emotion flooded out, and finally spent itself. 

With a small hiccup, she finished the story. “I know that my issue is with a man and not an institution, but I couldn’t help but think what other men in that institution I may take issue with.  I couldn’t represent the Church with an unwavering faith anymore, and the Bishop didn’t like the look in my eyes, I guess.  He agreed that it was time for my tenure with them to end.”

With nothing more to add, she tried to rise, but he held her firm.  “Just sit for a minute,” he chided.  “And listen to me.” 

Pretty well drained, and deciding that it felt pretty good where she was at, she did as he asked.

“First of all, don’t you ever worry about having my respect again.  You’re in a class of your own, Frannie, and I don’t want you to ever doubt it. Now, baby, I’m not going to say that I can even imagine what you’ve been through or what Tessa went through.  But I can tell you that I understand about losing your faith in something.  About losing trust in someone who is supposed to be looking out for you.  Mine was a whole different arena, but it affected me pretty significantly.”

“Does this have something to do with These Days?” she asked, recalling that she’d meant to ask him about it.

“Some of the songs on there were inspired by certain, shall we say, incidents.  So yeah, in a way.”  He filled her in on the whirlwind insanity of the Slippery and Jersey Syndicate tours, falling out with Doc McGhee, the Grey Summer and parting ways with Alec.

After hearing the emotional rollercoaster he’d been on, she nodded.  “So you appreciate my situation then.  Tico told me you might understand more than I gave you credit for.  He pointed me toward Something to Believe In when I talked to him the other day.”

“Nobody can ever fully understand what you’re going through, but I can empathize.  You have to work through it your own way, in your own time, but I want to you know that I’m confident that you will work through it.  Now we just have to decide what you’re going to do in the meantime.” 

Afraid to disrupt the peace, he hesitated before asking, “Are you sure I can’t talk you into staying and working for Matt?  I’d feel better having you nearby until you get your feet under you.”

She laughed.  “And how do I get my feet under me in the traveling circus that you call a life?  Reality is still waiting for me when it’s all over.”

“But what reality is waiting for you?  What are you going back to Jersey for?  What are you going to do once you get there?”

“Well, I don’t really know.  I’m going to see if I can maybe find some place to help in a group home, even if it’s only on a volunteer basis.  It might be cathartic for me.  And It turns out I’m really enjoying using a computer.  Dave seems to think I have an aptitude for it, so maybe I’ll take some classes and see where that gets me.”  A lift of her shoulders conveyed an indifference that she didn’t really feel.  “I’m a totally directionless 38 year old woman, but I’ll find a purpose sooner or later.”

“You’re going to stay with your parents when you get back?”  And her nod, he suggested, “Why don’t you go stay with Dot and the kids?  The guest house is just sitting empty, and you can use it until you figure out what you’re going to do.”

That might not be a bad idea.  It would certainly offer her more space.  “Let me think about it, and I’ll let you know something tomorrow.  And I’d like to tell each of the guys myself, please.  In my own time, in my own way.  So keep it to yourself?”

He nodded his agreement and backtracked briefly, “Speaking of tomorrow, there’s the label kickoff party tomorrow night.  I’d like for you to go.  It’s formal, so you’ll get to wear one of the dresses from your shopping trip with Dot and Steph.”

A picture of the long scarlet evening dress locked in her mind, she smiled.  That would do quite nicely for her look of rebellion.

Rebellion.  Maybe she’d let him in on another little tidbit of information.  “You know, I told Tico I didn’t know what I was doing here, and he said that it was mostly likely my long overdue teenage rebellion.”

That finally lightened Jon up enough to turn loose of a chuckle.  “Teek knows shit.  Listening to him is never the wrong thing to do.”

“Yeah, I thought so too.  So I got a tattoo yesterday.”

“What?” His boy had evidently not shared all the day’s activities with him.  “Fucking Sambora didn’t tell me that.”

“Why would he?  It’s none of your business.”  She laughed.  “But I love it and want you to see it.”  Allegra stood and unzipped her jeans, pushing the left side down.  “You’re the only one who can appreciate the whole picture.”

Studying the design she revealed, he smiled and assured her, “It’s beautiful, babe.  Just like you.”

She laughed again.  “Yeah, well beautiful is debatable.  Both of your brothers have essentially told me that I look like crap in the past week.  And if they noticed, then I must be something akin to Frankenstein.  I think I’ll go do the girly thing tomorrow, so I don’t embarrass the family at the party.  Salon, spa.  All that.  Do you have any suggestions on how to make that happen, since you’re insisting on pitbull protection while we’re here?”

“Common sense is not ‘pitbull protection’, Ms. Smartass.  And yes, I do have a suggestion.  Dot will be here in the morning with Jesse and Steph.  I’ll call her and hook you guys up so she and Steph can go with you.”  He reached for his phone to text Dot while he was thinking about it.

“She just flew home a couple of days ago.  Why back out this way so soon?”  It seemed like an awful lot of traveling, which was unusual for Dorothea.

“Jesse’s birthday is Friday and we’re going to have a family dinner before the show.  Steph’s coming because she wants to go to the kickoff party.”  Disgust and exasperation covered his face in equal measure.  “The Fallout Boys and that damn Justin Beiber are going to be stopping by or some such shit.”

His brows drew together as he mentally backtracked, searching his mind for an elusive scrap of information.  She could see found it when he snapped his gaze to her accusingly.  “You weren’t even going to fuckin’ remind me that your birthday is Friday.”  It wasn’t a question, it was an accusation.  He’d never remembered her birthday until Jesse had been born on it.

Grinning, she said, “Why would I want to draw attention to the fact I’m going to be 39?”

He snorted.  “They’re sure as hell not going to let me ignore 48 next month, and misery loves company.” 

“Awwww, poor baby!  The price of adoration just sucks sometimes doesn’t it?”

 “No wonder we fight.  You’re a bitch.”  He stuck his tongue out at her. 

She gave a surprised bark of laughter.  “Yeah, but you still love me.  Oh, and Jon?  One more thing...  The rebellion isn’t over until the plane touches down at Teterboro.  Just thought I should warn you.”

He rolled his eyes and put his hands together in mock prayer.  “Lord God, help us all!”