One Hundred Seventy-Seven

“We’ll see you in a week for your next appointment, Mrs. Sambora.  That’s December fifth,” the perky young receptionist at Dr. Shively’s office informed Allegra, pushing an appointment card toward her.

Accepting the card with a cordial smile, Allegra offered her thanks and waddled toward the elevator.  December fifth would be her three month wedding anniversary.  Unfortunately, she and her husband would be observing that milestone from literally half a world apart.  She didn’t mind all that much consider that it looked and felt like she swallowed a beach ball.

Today was the Monday after Thanksgiving, the band having left only two days ago for two shows in Japan and Australia.  Their last performances would be back-to-back shows in Sydney on the eighteenth and nineteenth, getting them back home on the twenty-first – only three days before Bug’s due date.

Patting her daughter affectionately, she silently reminded, We’re waiting until Daddy gets home to make your grand entrance Miss Faith.  Don’t forget that.

As the elevator began its descent, her mind reflected upon those three months as Mrs. Sambora.  To her utter pleasure, things had been…  well, chaotically normal was the best way to put it.

On the day after the wedding, she and Richie had trekked back to Honolulu so that they could see the family off and talk to Allegra’s parents.  Astoundingly enough, her mother took the news of Joseph – the Bishop – almost serenely.

“I knew in my heart that he would turn up some day,” she told Allegra with a comforting pat of the hand.  “Once you found out about Frannie and the adoption, I figured it was just a matter of time before you found him too.”

After a lengthy explanation of how she never went looking for him, and the story of the journal, Therese was still calm.  “You should talk to the man and get to know him more as a person than as a Bishop.  Even if you decide you don’t like him, Frannie sent that Sister to you for a reason.  She obviously wanted you to know who your father was.”

“Mama, he may be my father, but Daddy…”  She reached to Michael for a hug. “Will always be my Daddy.  Now more than ever, I understand the difference.  You two are my parents and nothing will ever change that.”

“We know that Allegra,” her father assured her.  “While you were growing up, we worried about the possibility of this happening and you wanting to leave or some other such nonsense.  But you’re a grown woman who has her own life, and has for some time.  If this man can find a place in it, then that’s all the better for you.  His presence isn’t going to erase the fact that you’re the daughter we loved and raised.”

“But I would love to see Frannie’s journal when you get home,” her mother added.  After promising to forward the journal to her, Allegra saw her parents off with Therese’s promise to tell John and Carol about the adoption.  She felt as though she now had her parents’ blessing and was free to pursue an acquaintance – relationship was too serious a word yet – with Joseph.

After a leisurely week of fun, frolicking and relaxation in their tropical paradise, they reluctantly left paradise behind, taking with them memories for a lifetime.

She and Richie went home to LA and comfortably settled into the mundane details of married life.  She found an obstetrician and physician.  He had her added to bank accounts, his will, the house and everything else he could think of – amid her protests.  Protests that went entirely unheeded, as her wallet was now full of plastic – a debit card and at least three credit cards.  Not that she’d used any of them more than once or twice, but they were there just waiting to be called into service.  It made Richie happy to know she had them and that was reason enough for Allegra to carry them.

The situation with Heather had… stabilized.  Allegra took Richie’s suggestion and made the super-human effort to be more than civil to the woman.  It had stunned the actress at first, but there were only so many times she could imply that Allegra was a gold-digging bitch while Allegra nodded and smiled through clenched teeth.  The novelty was wearing off and nowadays, there was no need for a referee when the two were going to be in the same room.  Heather offered no more than a curt nod and a suspicious look when they were forced into proximity. 

It wasn’t good, but it was better than it had been.  From Allegra’s perspective, that’s what was important – for Ava.

While the band was in South America for a couple of weeks, Allegra made a concentrated effort to get comfortable in California and try to make a home for herself.  She grew even fonder of Carmen, and they forged a friendship of sorts.  Really, Carmen bossed Allegra around like a mother and she allowed it.  After all, she had no one else out here. 

And that echoed in her head like a haunting phrase when she was alone at night.  Alone was fine for now, but when she thought of being alone nearer to Bug’s arrival she became decidedly uneasy. 

So uneasy that she mentioned it to Richie several times after he returned from South America – sometimes several times a day – until he finally said with an exasperated laugh, “Baby, I get it.  You want to be home in Jersey while I’m gone.  Your mom, my mom, Dot and Lexi are all there in case you need anything.  Truthfully, it would make me feel better if you were surrounded by our families that close to your due date.  But here’s the problem – I don’t leave until the end of November and you can’t fly then.”

The new doctor strongly discouraged air travel during the last month of her pregnancy, and she knew that.  She even accepted it willingly.  But she also had the foresight to make a contingency plan. 

“You have to be in New York in a couple of weeks for that Best Buy show, and that’s still in my eighth month.  I could come with you and we could stay for Thanksgiving.  Then Ava could fly out and join us for the holiday before you go to Japan.”  She turned pleading eyes on him.  “Couldn’t we do that?”

He shook his head with a wry laugh before wrapping her up in a hug.  “I don’t know why I thought that was going to stop you from getting what you wanted.  Yes, Sunshine, if that will make you feel better, we can do that.”

She’d managed to find plenty to occupy her time since she’d come East.  Two more classes were knocked out of the way, and two more should be finished before Bug made her appearance.  That meant she would receive her Computer Science certificate sometime in the Spring.  Now that Bon Jovi’s social media presence had been established, it was a minimal effort to maintain it, but it was something that needed tended to nearly every day just the same.

She’d also had a couple of stilted phone conversations with Joseph, and one awkward lunch.  He was honestly trying, but there was no way to replace almost forty years with a handful of friendly conversations.  Joseph was a nice man, she’d come to realize, but he was just that – a man.  Despite her feelings, Allegra would continue to make the effort mostly because she felt sorry for him.  He’d given up his entire life as he knew it and was living in a small apartment near Newark, floundering with all the idle time on his hands.  So in addition to juggling her own activities, she found herself searching for a distraction for him – and thought she may have found something.  The Soul Kitchen.

When Allegra’s life had taken her away from the Soul Foundation, the Soul Kitchen project had lain dormant for a while, until Dot had stepped in and picked up the pieces.  She took the notes and detailed schematics of the proposal Allegra left behind and began making her own mark on the project.  Since Allegra had come to live in the guest house again, she’d been helping Dot steer her vision into a reality.  There was tons of bureaucratic red tape and paperwork, but they were sifting their way through it one piece at a time.

It created a wistfulness in Allegra, missing both her work at the Foundation and, strangely enough, Sister Mary.  She still hated the way she’d parted with the nun and felt a twinge of remorse every time her name arose.  It was time to do something about that, and she had some free time on her hands this afternoon.

The elevator chimed her arrival on the ground floor and she spied her hired car outside the glass doors.  Thomas, who had been recalled into service as her driver while she was here, was watching for her and hurried to open the back door and get her out of the cold downtown wind.

She had no more gracelessly hoisted herself into the car when the strains of “Feel Like Makin’ Love” wafted out of her coat pocket.  Smiling, she fished it out and slid her finger across the screen with a breathless, “Hey, sweetie!  Hang on just a second.”  Tucking the phone under her chin, she asked Thomas, “Could you take me to the Soul Foundation building please?”

With a congenial nod of his head, he started them on their way.

“Sorry,” Allegra apologized to Richie as she leaned back in the seat, searching for a comfortable position.  “How’s Tokyo?”

“Dark.  I have no idea why I’m up this early.  Damn jetlag,” he grumbled in a sleep-roughened voice. 

“You know exactly why you’re up this early,” she called his bluff, her voice liberally laced with amusement.  “If I had to guess, I’d say you set an alarm so that you could find out what Dr. Shively said as soon as I walked out the door.” 

Richie was borderline obsessed with the baby and its impending arrival.  He couldn’t keep his hands off of her belly for more than five minute at a time, and was always talking or singing to the baby, especially at night.  Allegra had been serenaded to sleep more nights than she could count as he sang and petted her stomach.

“Maybe,” he conceded reluctantly.  “What did she say?”

She loved her husband.

“Everything is perfect.  I’ve gained fifteen pounds altogether, which she says isn’t unreasonable, and we’re looking good for an on-schedule delivery.   Christmas Eve in the hospital.  Sounds like fun, huh?”

“But what an awesome Christmas present.  Hey, maybe her middle name could be Noelle.  That’s Christmasy.”

“Noelle’s nice,” she agreed. “We’ll keep it on the list.” They still hadn’t found Faith’s middle name yet, but the list of possibilities continued to grow.  They were plenty of perfectly acceptable options, but nothing that screamed ‘pick me’.  They still had time, so Allegra didn’t mind being patient awhile longer until the perfect name presented itself.

“You’re feeling okay?” he went on to probe, pillow rustling.  She could imagine him flipping onto his side and tucking it more firmly under his head, as he so often did.

“Yep, I feel good.  Not too tired yet, so I’m going to drop by the Soul Foundation on my way home.”

“Yeah?  Any particular reason?”

“Catholic guilt,” she told him ruefully, watching pedestrian traffic pass as the car crept through noontime traffic.  “All this stuff about the Soul Kitchen with Dot brings to mind Sister Mary and the way I left the Foundation.  I’ve let this linger too long.  It’s time to apologize.”

“It wouldn’t be easier to just avoid her for the rest of your life?” he teased.  They’d talked about Sister Mary more than once, and Allegra had jokingly told him that was her plan, rather than subject herself the Nun Look of Disapproval.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it turns out to not be easier on my conscience.  She was really good to me and I want to make things right.”

“Do you have any idea how proud I am to be your husband?”

“If it’s anywhere close to how proud I am to be your wife, I’d say we’re in for a long, happy marriage,” she laughed, looking out the car window to see that they’d arrived at her destination.  “Oh.  We’re here.  I have to go sweetie.  Call me every time you get a chance?  I love you.”

“I will.  Love you too, baby.  Tell Bug the same.”

Indulgent smile covering her face, Allegra tapped the phone to end the call just as Thomas opened the door and offered his hand.  “Thank you,” she told him sincerely, stepping onto the sidewalk in front of the tall building that had employed her for a short, but significant part of her life. “I shouldn’t keep you waiting long.”

“Take all the time you need, ma’am.”

Moving steadily through the lobby, Allegra reflected that everything seemed familiar, yet alien.  This part of her life seemed worlds away from where she was now, and she suffered a little pang of longing.  The Soul Foundation had represented her independence.  It was the first job she’d gotten solely on her own merits and made a difference.  In actuality, the only ‘real’ job she’d ever had.

Sighing as she pressed the call button, she wondered if she’d ever get used to feeling like a kept woman.  Maybe it would be different once the baby came.

The doors whooshed open and swept her up to the Foundation offices, where she found Nadine at her usual post.

The girl looked up with surprise, and Allegra greeted her with a genuine smile.  “Hi Nadine.  How are you?”

“You’re pregnant,” she announced baldly, staring at the pronounced lump in the front of Allegra’s coat.

“That I am,” she agreed.  “Is Sister Mary available?”

“Uh.  Just a minute.”  Nadine scooted her chair back and scurried around the desk to disappear inside the Sister’s office.

Shaking her head, Allegra realized she hadn’t missed all aspects of working here.  Nadine was a sweet girl, but a bit rattle-brained sometimes.

“Allegra,” the commanding voice greeted from behind her.

Spinning toward it, she pinned on a determined smile, only slightly dreading the conversation that loomed ahead.  “Sister.  It’s nice to see you.  Do you have a moment that we could talk?”

The older women gave her the once-over with a speculative eye before nodding.  She gestured toward her office, indicating that Allegra should precede her.  Once inside, she quietly closed the door and made her way around the desk and the rolling chair behind it.

“I trust you haven’t come to ask for a job again,” the nun said dryly as Allegra placed her coat across one guest chair and seated herself in the other. 

“No,” Allegra chuckled with the shake of her head and swept a hand across her distended abdomen.  “As you can see, I have another job looming ahead.”

She didn’t crack a smile.  “Then why are you here?”

Never one to mince words, the Sister certainly hadn’t changed her ways since Allegra’s departure.  Taking a deep breath of fortification, Allegra cut right to the chase.  “I came to apologize for the circumstances under which I left.  I lied to you in an effort to serve my own purpose, but it was a purpose I believed strongly in at the time.  Has Jon told you anything?”

“No, he hasn’t.  On the few occasions we’ve crossed paths lately, I don’t ask and he doesn’t offer.  It seems easier to leave your name out of our relationship.”

Ouch.

“Then, if you would allow me, I’d like to explain.”  Scarcely waiting for Sister Mary’s agreement, she launched into the recount of her unexpected pregnancy, the details that led up to it, and the uncertain paternity.

After a moment’s silence to absorb the information she’d been presented, the Sister asked thoughtfully, “So am I to assume that you’re still carrying the burden of that uncertain paternity?”

“Yes.”

“I also am to assume that you and Richie are married, based on the rings you’re wearing?”

Glancing down at the diamond winking on her left hand, Allegra couldn’t believe she’d neglected to mention that.  “Yes.”

The nun leaned back in her seat and steepled her fingers in front of her chin.  “And what does he have to say about it?”

Feeling as though she were being interrogated, Allegra repeated the answer they’d spouted over and over.  “He’s the father.  Period.”

“Something tells me you’re not quite so convinced,” Sister Mary remarked with a skeptical lift of her brow.

“Sister, you know the circumstances that led me here to start with.  It cut me deeply, and my wounds are still healing.  My faith in a higher power has yet to be restored.”

“I’m sorry?” she asked quizzically, as though she couldn’t believe what she’d heard.  “You say that like you’re waiting for Triple A to bring you a gallon of gasoline for your stranded car.  Why should there be some magical occurrence that replenishes what you’ve allowed to become drained?”

Allegra cocked her head in surprise.  “I didn’t allow it to become drained,” she protested.  “My trust was stolen.”

“No, you simply chose to place it in what you could see instead of what you knew in your heart,” was the staunch reply. 

She couldn’t believe Sister Mary was going to debate the point with her.  There was no debate.  Facts were facts.

“I knew in my heart that the God I was serving wouldn’t allow an innocent child to die.  God is supposed to protect the innocent and the children!”

“Perhaps this was His way of protecting her.  Did you ever think that her path was headed toward an even darker future?”

Momentarily taken aback, Allegra’s jaw opened and closed silently.  Was it possible that Tessa had been on her way to greater grief and pain than she’d already suffered?  That God had been sparing her?  It was a painful prospect, but it was also the first explanation that didn’t make her soul scream out in frustration.  Still…

“Why would He choose that instead of just fixing things?”

“Allegra,” Sister Mary sighed.  “You know I can’t answer that.  None of us know what the divine plan is; we just have to trust that there is one.”

“I’ve tried, but I just can’t seem to regain that kind of trust.”

The nun shook her head in disappointment and pondered her next words for a moment, wondering if it weren’t more a case of obstinacy than anything else at this juncture.  To that end, she tried a different tactic.

“While that’s strictly between your heart and God, I would like to point out one very important thing:  Your lack of faith isn’t your problem alone.  It steals your joy and replaces it with discontent, drawing concern and worry from those around you and robbing them of their own joy.  I would think that would be incentive enough to try a little harder.”