Chapter 172

“Ready?” Richie asked when they saw him seated at a table at the back of the coffee shop. 

He’d spent the last twenty minutes convincing her that this was the right thing to do, pointing out that she hadn’t put it to rest in her heart anyway.  How was listening to him going to make things any worse?  There was even a chance that what he had to say could help. 

“No, but that isn’t going to make it go away.”  She gripped Richie’s hand and stepped through the doorway.  “Ten minutes.  That’s all he gets.”

The Bishop surreptitiously watched Allegra, unsure whether or not she would actually go through with this.  She had no reason to, so he offered up a prayer of thanks when she set her mouth in a determined line and marched toward the table where he sat.

Standing, he nodded to the couple in greeting.  “Mr. Sambora.  Allegra.  Thank you for agreeing to hear me out.”

She slid into the dark vinyl booth first, scooting over to make room for her fiancé.  “I don’t know what you could possibly have to say that I would be interested in other than how you knew where to find me.”

He, too, slid into the booth, clasping his hands together next to a saucer holding an inverted coffee cup.  Glancing behind Allegra he saw that a waitress prepared to approach and shook his head in the negative.  The Bishop had a feeling he was on borrowed time and he didn’t want to waste it ordering coffee that he didn’t really want.

“There was a snippet on television about your engagement and the speculation you were planning to wed in Hawaii.  I simply contacted Wendell, whom I’ve known for ages, and asked him to let me know if he heard anything.  He’s frequently called upon for these types of ceremonies.”

Allegra had forgotten that some reporter had cornered Richie coming out of the WTB warehouse a couple of weeks ago.  He’d been deliberately vague about any details, but the reporter had speculated a Hawaiian wedding given Richie’s fondness for the place.

“Regardless, I believe you said everything I needed to hear several weeks ago.”

“Things have changed a bit since then,” he said vaguely before reaching into the pocket of his khakis, withdrawing a closed fist.  “The first thing I wanted to do was give you this.”  Flattening out his palm, he offered her the platinum and diamond cross Felix had taken from her.  “You ran off that day before I had the chance.”

He watched her tense and reach for the man at her side before tipping her chin determinedly.  “That’s unnecessary.  I don’t want it.”

“I know you think you don’t,” Richie dipped his head and murmured quietly into her ear.  “And even if that’s true, it’s still one of the first things I ever gave you.  I want it.”  When she quietly offered her assent, he reached forward and plucked the necklace from the Bishop’s hand.  “Thank you.”

The Bishop nodded, his empty hands now folded over one another on the tabletop.  “I also came to tell you I was wrong.”

“I already knew that,” she shot back with an arrogant arch of her left eyebrow.

I knew this wasn’t going to be easy.

“Yes, but you didn’t know that I knew,” he explained patiently, his subconscious wondering if this is what life with Frannie would have been like.  He could see her strong-willed, passionate nature in the young woman seated across from him.  Allegra may never have met her mother, but she certainly bore more than her physical characteristics.  “The things you said weighed heavily on my mind after you left, giving me cause to re-examine my actions yet again with your perspective in mind.”

If he expected her to offer the slightest encouragement to continue, he was sorely disappointed.  The couple across from him were silent as statues.  Maybe it was because of their color, or his own wishful thinking, but Sambora’s eyes didn’t seem nearly as cold and unwelcoming as his daughter’s.

He’d gotten used to thinking of her that way since she left, and he’s thought it often enough that it was second nature now.  He had a daughter.  The only thing left now was to bare his soul and see if she’d let him be a part of her life.

“I was more concerned about appearances than I was about doing right by you –  and Tessa wasn’t the only one who paid the price.  I see that now.  I see that you’ve suffered unforgivably at the hand of my actions and I would beg your forgiveness, but I sense that’s futile.” 

“Pretty much,” she told him, pushing her hair back behind her ear.  “You had the chance to say the right words and blew it.  A pretty speech after weeks of considering all the angles doesn’t really carry the same weight.”

“I realize that,” he acknowledged, swiping a hand across the nape of his neck and sitting up straighter in the booth.  He rested both elbows on the edge of the table and leaned forward.  “That’s why I made a visit to the Archdiocese.”

Blue eyes widened under a lifted brow before she could tone her reaction down to indifference.  She still didn’t speak, and Sambora merely looked back and forth between them, understanding that there was some significance to what was being said, but unsure as to its full meaning.

That was fine.  He could see that Allegra understood the seriousness of his words.  He had her full attention, and that’s all he required.

“I told them I’d somewhat recently discovered existence of a child I’d fathered many years ago.  One I’d assumed dead.”  Nothing but a faint shadow flitting across her face.  “Naturally, they had questions.  How long ago?  Was I in the priesthood at that time?  Why hadn’t I come forward sooner?”  He lifted his left shoulder slightly.  “I could only say that I had been struggling with the information.  That it had taken me months to face my actions and reconcile them with my morals, but I knew it wasn’t right to keep this a secret stuffed into the shadows any longer.”

 “Why would you do that?  You surely can’t continue as a Bishop now,” Allegra observed quietly.

He gave a rueful grin.  “No.  I can’t, but it doesn’t matter.  I voluntarily hung up my robe and collar.  The Church has very generously agreed to pay me a pension, considering my years of service, but I am no longer a Catholic priest.”

“That still doesn’t tell me why.”

Why?  That was a reason that, even knowing he was coming to have this conversation, he still hadn’t been able to put words to.  There were multiple mitigating factors, the most prevalent being that it was the right thing to do.  Aside from that, he needed to make a grand gesture.  To prove that she meant something to him, although he’d never offered an inkling of it up until now.

The Bishop sighed and tried to explain.  “A lot of lives changed because of me – some for the worse.  To those, I’m offering penance in the form of my own life-altering change.  I owe it to your mother.  I owe it to you, more than anyone.  My life shouldn’t go on without a ripple while yours was torn into pieces and in need of reassembly.”

“Frannie is dead and you don’t owe me anything, nor do I want anything from you.”

She had a spine of steel, his daughter.  He’d known it from the months he’d spent as her Bishop, but being on the receiving end of her determination merely drove the point home with unerring clarity.

“Perhaps not,” he demurred.  “But I want something from you.  And while your answer has no direct bearing on my separation with the Church, I was hopeful that it may help you favor my request.”

“Request?” was her scoffing reply.  “You come and crash my wedding rehearsal and think you can ask me for… whatever it is you want?  You’ve got a lot of nerve Bishop.”

“Please.  Since the title is no longer appropriate, I would appreciate you calling me Joseph.”

Allegra frowned, looking no less pleased for the offer of informality.  “Joseph, why don’t you tell me exactly what it is you want so that I can tell you no and get on with my wedding?”

“Baby, at least listen to him with an open mind,” Sambora murmured just loud enough for the Bishop to hear.  “He’s really trying to make amends.”

Thank you, God, for the intercession on my behalf, Joseph silently prayed his thanks.  Nothing he’d said had softened her in the slightest, and he could certainly use all the help he could get.  

Allegra was stunned.  Richie really wants me to forgive this man?   Was she too entrenched in the bitterness to see the situation clearly?  If there was anyone’s opinion she could trust in this situation, she knew it was Richie’s.  He truly understood the brutal impact this man had on her soul.  Turning to face him, she said almost inaudibly, “You know what it’s been like for me, and what I’ve lost.  You still think I need to listen with an open mind?”

He pushed his lips through the curtain of her hair until they rested against the curve of her ear, making certain the man across from them couldn’t hear his whisper.  “He can’t go back and change it, but he’s doing all he knows to do to make it right, which seems pretty significant.  Besides that, did you ever think maybe this is God’s way of reaching out to you?”

Had she thought of it?  No, and her jaded heart didn’t think it was likely, but that sliver of reservation was sharp enough to offer him her attention and consideration.

“Fine.”  A half-hearted flip of her wrist, confirmed her assent.  “No pre-judgment.  What is it you want… Joseph?”

Offering Sambora a small smile of thanks, he considered the best way to present his requests.  “There are two things, actually.  The first is a more simple, direct question.  I’d like to officiate your wedding.”

Allegra laughed without humor.  “You just told me you left the Church.  That pretty much absolves me from having to say no.”

“While that’s true,” he agreed, eyes twinkling the tiniest bit.  “Do you know how easy it is to get ordained to perform weddings online?”

For the first time, she genuinely smiled in this man’s presence.  “Very resourceful, but the answer is still no.  None of my family knows about you, and I won’t have the focus taken away from Richie and I this weekend.  This is about us, not you.”

“You’re right of course,” he sighed.  “It is about you.  I had just hoped to help usher you into your future.”

“Don’t you think you’ve ushered enough already?” was her sarcastic reply.

“Touche,” Joseph admitted with a dip of his head.  Of his two requests, it had been the one easiest to accept a negative answer to.

“You said there were two things,” she prompted.

“Yes, I did.”  Joseph cleared his throat and clasped his hands together in a combined fist.  “This other thing… I don’t expect it will be kindly received, but can’t live with myself if I don’t ask.”  The coffee cup clattered on the saucer as he turned it over in an outlet for his nervousness.  “ Allegra, I want the chance to get to know you and be a part – no matter how small – of your life.  I know you have parents who love you and would never dream of encroaching on that relationship, but can’t we have some sort of relationship of our own?  Even if it’s only a friendly one?  Biologically, the child you’re carrying is my grandchild, and I’d like the opportunity to see it from time to time.”

If she would only agree…. After a while, she would see that he wasn’t the horrible ogre she thought, and perhaps had been for a time.  Then, if she finally got to that point, maybe he could bring himself confess his connection to Felix.  He knew he was going to have to do it eventually, but to everything there is a season.

One step at a time.

To her credit, she didn’t immediately spit out the refusal that leapt to her eyes.  She clearly respect her fiancé and his opinion, having evidently taken his words to heart

Allegra felt the warmth of Richie’s hand on her thigh, seeping through the thin cotton of her sundress.  Its heat was reassuring, as was his presence at her side.  He hadn’t offered any silent gestures on the wedding request, leaving the decision in her hands, but now he was wordlessly encouraging her heart to soften and give the old man a chance.

Her husband-to-be was such a forgiving soul, and for a brief instant she viewed it as a weakness, believing that it only showed his willingness to be taken advantage of.  Then she recognized with a startling clarity…  If he didn’t have that forgiving soul, she wouldn’t be sitting here at his side, because he wouldn’t have forgiven her.

Instead her life was so much better for his forgiveness.  She had love, family and a future that shone with happiness and possibility.  Who was she to deny those things to another human being?

“I’m going to need some time.”  She met Joseph’s eyes confidently, but without anger or spite.  “I have to talk to my family and get used to the idea myself before I’m willing to commit, but I’m offering my tentative agreement.  This is not a promise that things will go well,” she warned, ignoring Richie’s approving squeeze and pointing an admonishing finger at his wide-smiled face.  “But I will make an effort.  I like to think I would do the same for anyone who came asking forgiveness of me.”

She’d thrown in the last bit to let him know it wasn’t going to be easy and that he wasn’t getting any breaks just because he was her ‘father’.   Allegra felt compelled to keep the upper hand for a while longer.

“Thank you, Allegra.  I wouldn’t think of asking for anything more.”  He slid from the booth as Richie and Allegra did the same.  With a laugh, he amended, “Maybe I should take that back.  Would it be entirely inappropriate to ask for a hug?”

When she hesitated, Richie took a step back and subtly nudged her hip, beseeching her agree.  “No, I don’t suppose so,” she mumbled, stepping into Joseph’s arms for what she expected to be a brief, perfunctory hug.  However, the strength of his embrace stunned her, taking her breath away as he clung to her with something akin to relief.

She’d no more found the air to refill her lungs with air when he stole it all again with, “Frannie would be so proud of the woman you are.  I know I am.”

Blinking away the sudden, unexpected tears, Allegra had no reply.