Chapter 46

"Jon, what's the matter?"  Dot asked, putting her hand on his arm.

His face was set in a scowl made of granite when he handed her the invitation without speaking.  He found it strangely comforting that she sucked in a surprised breath after reading the words printed there.  At least he hadn't been the only one who was in the dark.

"What's the card, Dot?"  Hugh asked in curiosity when she didn't say anything.

"It's... a wedding invitation.  Richie and Allegra request the honor of our presence at Graceland Wedding Chapel."  She turned to her husband.  "Is this the ceremony scheduled for this afternoon?"

Before there was a chance to respond, Richie helped Allegra into the car with her tulle billowing around her.  "Good day my fine people!  How are you all on this glorious afternoon?" he asked with a grin, sliding close enough to Allegra on the leather seat that their legs touched from knee to hip.  He smiled softly at her and rested their intertwined fingers in his lap.

"Have you lost your goddamn minds?!"  Jon couldn't be silent any longer.  It was either let out his steam or implode. "You are absolutely, under no circumstances, gonna get married!  Do you fuckin' hear me?"  His chest heaved with the force of the outburst, and his eyes glinted with barely controlled rage.

The driver discreetly closed them up in the vehicle before the hotel guests began to show any more interest in his passengers.  Quickly sliding behind the wheel, it was only seconds before the limo glided north along Las Vegas Boulevard.

"Bro, half of Vegas just heard your loud ass.  What's your problem?"  Richie demanded.

"You crazy sonofabitch!” Jon swore, jabbing his finger in Richie’s direction.  “You've only known each other for a few weeks. How can you think you're gonna get married and live happily-fuckin'-ever-after?  It ain't gonna happen!”

To the relief of the rest of the group, Dorothea put her hand on Jon's shoulder in an attempt to soothe him.  "Honey, you're getting too worked up over this."

With an incredulous look, he spun on his wife.  "Too worked up?  I don’t think so!  As long as they’re sitting there making fuckin' googly eyes at each other, I’m not even close to worked up enough!” 

Allegra favored him with a Mona Lisa smile and scooched closer to Richie, lifting her face for a quick kiss.  She then pressed her mouth to his ear, murmuring a few words and chuckling softly at his whispered response.  It was something dirty, too, if the pink staining her cheeks was any indication.

“Goddamn it, stop that!  You don’t know what the hell you’re doing either.  You’re as green as grass and lookin’ for a fuckin’ fairy-tale ending to your life.  Fairy-tales don’t happen in the real world, baby, so take off your rose-colored glasses and get your head out of your ass!”

“Hey!”  Richie admonished.  “She’s a smart girl.  Don’t talk to her that way.”

Jon propelled himself forward, virtually launching himself at Richie.  “I don’t care how smart you think she is.  You’re both being dumbasses!”

“Jon…”  Tico growled.  “Don’t say things you’re going to regret.”

He pulled back and addressed his drummer with the same growl.  “I won’t regret anything that stops them from making the biggest fuckin’ mistake of their lives.  Nothing good can come from a cheesy Vegas wedding chapel!”

“Ohhh!”  David groaned loudly.  “You’re gonna pay for that dude!”

Jon and Dorothea both pinned him with death glares, and Lexi elbowed him in the ribs, hissing, “Shut up David!”

“Yeah, David, shut up,” Dot echoed.  “Before I snatch those curls off your head and tie you up with them.”

He opened his mouth to reply, but Lexi’s hand clamped down over it before he could do more than take a breath.  “Wedding pictures,” she murmured.

Jon turned his attention back to Richie and Allegra, who couldn’t keep their hands off of each other.

“You don’t have to get married to have sex, for God’s sake.  Screw like rabbits every day if that’s what you want, but you’re not getting married!  I won’t stand for it!” he decreed in his most dictatorial voice.

With a shrug, Richie seemed unconcerned.  “Then sit.  Most everyone else will be anyway.”

Jon let loose with a howl of frustration and held his hands as though he were choking Richie.  “I swear to God, I would kill you right now and bury your ass in the desert if we didn’t have to play a sold out fuckin’ show tomorrow night.”

Rolling to a slow stop, Jon could see the limo had arrived in front of the church-like building that housed the Graceland Wedding Chapel.  He still recognized it from all those years ago, even had fond memories of his little impromptu wedding, but that didn't stop him from scowling at the sign that proclaimed ‘Rock Star Jon Bon Jovi was married here!’

The driver opened the door with a flourish, inviting the occupants to exit the vehicle.  Richie and Allegra led the way, like two giggling kids, followed by the others until Jon and Dorothea were the last two in the car.  

“I'm not going in there,” he announced, gesturing at the chapel with his thumb.

“Yes you are,” his wife told him without hesitation.

“No.  I’m not.”  His belligerent glare would’ve intimidated a lesser woman, but she'd spent more than twenty-five years putting up with his temper tantrums.  That look didn't even register with her anymore.  

“I’m just as surprised as you are, but did you bother to look at them together?  When’s the last time you saw him so content?  And Allegra couldn’t be any more happy if you gave her a million dollars.”

“You think that would do it?” he asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice.  “Because I’d give it some serious consideration.”

“You listen to me,” she ordered, clutching his loosely knotted tie and pulling him close.  “Richie and Allegra love you and they want you in there.  You can man up and help them celebrate, or you can spend the rest of your life knowing that you were a monumental ass today.  Not once, but twice!  Either way, you are going in there, Mr. Nothing-good-can-come-from-a-cheesy-wedding-chapel.  You owe me for that.”  Dorothea released his tie and shoved, scooting him across the seat and out the car door.

♥  ♥  ♥

The inside of the chapel wasn't large, with only 5 little pews on either side of the aisle that would seat two people each.  That meant their group came close to filling the place to capacity.  And, as kids are prone to do, the children had occupied all of the pews in the back, leaving the only available seats for Jon and Dorothea at the front of the chapel.  The happy couple stood next to the front pew with their arms wrapped in a loose embrace, talking quietly.   

His face still dark and angry, Jon seated himself and refused to look at Allegra and Richie, choosing instead to scroll through his phone for emails and text messages.  Dot snatched it from him and dropped it in her purse.  "If you're going to act like Romeo, I'm going to treat you the same way," she told him quietly, lips barely moving.

Before he could reply, a loud burst of keyboard music filled the chapel that Jon quickly identified as the intro from "Let It Rock".  He arched his eyebrow at Dot, who just shrugged.

“Everyone, please be seated,” Elvis announced over the music.  He brushed some lint from his black bejeweled jump suit and patted his hair one last time, waiting for the music to fade out so he could begin the ceremony.  

"Dearly beloved, ayuh-huh, we are gathered together here in the sight of Jon Bon Jovi, and in the face of his worshippers, to confirm this Man..."  He pointed to Richie with both of his index fingers, thumbs flicking as though he were cocking a pistol. "and this Woman..."  He directed the 'pistols' at Allegra.  "In their blind devotion and allegiance to Jonny's Church of Rock... and... Roll..."  Elvis gave a powerful swing of his hips, emphasizing each word.

Laughter erupted from the back, and Jon recognized Jakey and Romeo's giggles overriding the other kids' more subtle chuckles.  His gaze swung to Tico, whose hand was over his mouth trying to hide the evidence of his humor.  The other adults were making no pretense though, and wore outright grins on their faces.

What the hell?  They aren’t getting married?

"...which is an honorable dictatorship, instituted of Jon, signifying unto us the controlling union that is betwixt Captain Kidd and his Church..."

Even though relief washed through him, Jon scowled at Dot and mouthed the words, "I'm going to kill somebody."   She just smiled sympathetically and patted his leg.

"...which egotistical estate Jon hath adorned and beautified with his presence and the first miracle that he wrought in getting a record deal out of Runaway..."

The older kids could be heard as loudly as the younger now, and everyone's eyes were riveted on Elvis.  

"...and is commended of Southside Johnny to be a kick-ass performer among all men..."

That was it for Tico and Hugh.  Neither could keep their laughter quiet any longer, but both watched Jon carefully for signs of stink-eye coming their way.

"...and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of Jon."  Elvis raised his fist into the air in a show of power, causing another fit of snickers through the chapel.  

"Into this devoted estate these two persons present come now to be educated. If any man can show just cause, why this glorious edification should not take place, let him now speak like a hound dog, or else hereafter forever hold his peace."

The only sound was Romeo jumping up and down in the pew.  That is, until the chapel speakers blared to life again with Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It".

Oh we're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
Oh we're not gonna take it anymore

We've got the right to choose it
There ain't no way we'll lose it
This is our life, this is our song

Elvis whirled around as the pulpit door crashed open.  Through it stalked a tall, slender man in a priest's robe.  He had a prominent nose, and long, blonde, curly hair - almost to his waist - that he wore pulled back in a ponytail.

What the... That looks like… Is that Dee Snider?  

Jon had to flatten his mouth in a firm line to control the smile that wanted to escape.  He sat back and called on all of his acting skills to keep frowning.  Now that he realized they weren’t really getting married, this was becoming interesting.

"Hell, yeah, we can show just cause!"  Dee exclaimed, reaching for Allegra's hand. "This lovely lady..."  He pressed a kiss to the back of her hand.  "...and this loser want to enjoy one another's company.  And I believe they've written their own vows to support that.  Richie?"

Richie pulled two half-sheets of paper out of his jacket pocket, and handed one to Allegra with a smile.

Jon leaned forward, unable to pretend that he wasn’t curious, and looking over his shoulder, he saw that everyone else was doing the same thing.

Clearing his throat, Richie read, "Allegra, from the moment we met, you were a Thorn In My Side.  I kept thinking ‘She Don’t Know Me’, or that you Misunderstood.  But it turns out you just saw me as Ordinary People, living a Real Life."

Did I just imagine that?  Is he using song titles? 

"My personal life's been no Bed of Roses, and I was Lonely, falling In And Out of Love.   It sounds Complicated, but all I was really looking for was Something To... Believe... In."   Richie barely got the words out for the laughter that was choking him.

Jesus, he is using song titles!  

He cleared his throat again, speaking through his mile-wide grin, "I’m not offering you a Diamond Ring baby, but I won’t stand for you being my Dirty Little Secret after The Last Night we had together.  You’ve got to Live Before You Die, and I can’t bear to think of you as The One That Got Away."

A chuckle escaped before Jon realized it.  Dammit, you're angry.  Be angry, not amused.  

"Jon isn’t Happy Now, but he’s Out of Bounds trying to write the Story of My Life.  Maybe Someday he’ll Learn to Love it.  I hope so, because Letting You Go and Starting All Over Again?  I don’t have enough Bounce to Come Back from that.  Jon, Get Ready.  I Am making No Apologies now that I Got The Girl."

Richie stuffed the paper back in his pocket, looking at Jon out of the corner of his eye, while the rest of the group hooted and hollered their appreciation.  Jon met his friend's look, and, with a small smile tipping up one corner of his mouth, gave a subtle nod of acceptance.  He felt Dorothea's hand stroke across his back in approval.

Dee held up his hands. "Whoa folks, let's give the little lady a chance here.  Allegra?"

Her eyes darted to Richie, who was grinning in anticipation.  "Richie, when I met you I was Starting All Over Again after trying to Save the World.  I just wanted to Breakout of my past and find Something For The Pain."

Jon couldn't help but smirk at her spouting titles to songs she'd never even heard.

"That first day, I had no Sympathy, because you strutted around like you were King of the Mountain while I thought you were just some type of Social Disease..."  

Allegra gave David a sly wink.  She had to stop and wait for the laughter to die down enough for her to continue. 

"But I know you Gotta Have a Reason for acting the way you did.  It wasn’t long until I saw The Fire Inside of you, the one that made you Stick To Your Guns and tell me ‘I Want You to talk to me Til We Ain’t Strangers Anymore’.  Only In My Dreams was there someone who’d Hook Me Up and teach me to Keep the Faith when I felt like I’d been Shot Through The Heart."

She gave Richie a sweet smile, with her heart there in her eyes for anyone who cared to see.  Jon saw, and silently swore at himself.  Dot was right - as usual.  He was a monumental ass, and if Allegra wasn't in love with Richie already, she was close.  She'd be hurt as much as he would if things didn't work out between them.

"Jon gets irritated Everyday, and Always grumbles about what I do, but It’s My Life and If That’s What It Takes, so be it.   We Weren’t Born to Follow his rules, and with Every Beat Of My Heart I hope he'll realize that we’re not Livin’ On A Prayer -- this might just go The Distance."

He waited for – expected – her to look over at him so he could catch her attention, but she kept her eyes firmly on either her script or Richie.

"But if he doesn't, I’ll be content knowing that we’re on the Right Side of Wrong, because I've never felt so Alive as I do These Days.  I'm Lucky to have you in my life."   Nodding, she folded the paper and tucked it back into Richie’s jacket pocket.

"So, now that you've heard the vows, don't you think they should seal them with a kiss?"  Dee asked.

The kids led the clapping, stomping and whistling that encouraged Richie to tip Allegra's mouth up and capture it with his own.  He slowly broke the kiss and slipped his arms around her with a grin.

"I know pronounce you free-willed and independent thinkers," Dee proclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

Cheers filled the chapel, and Jon approached the couple, holding out his hand to Richie. "You went to a hell of a lot of trouble to make a point, but I get the message, man."  

Richie wrapped his fingers around his hand and pulled him in for a man-hug, thumping him on the back.  "About damn time!  Lemma did good, then."

“I should’ve fuckin’ known.  David, you’re fired!” Jon called across the small room. 

“I was counting on it, Boss Man!  It’s the sign of a good prank.”  He grinned, and gave Jon a thumbs up.

Shaking his head, Jon turned to hug Allegra.  She stepped into his embrace, but remained stiff and unyielding despite the smile on her face.  "I'm sorry, babydoll," he murmured in her ear.

"You should be.  Ava, what did you think?" she greeted Richie's daughter, extracting herself from his arms and effectively dismissing him.  

Stung, Jon watched her chat with all of the friends and family, keeping her back to him. 

He thought once she’d made her point, everything would be okay again.

“You didn’t just make her mad, Jon.”  Dorothea murmured as she slipped her arm around his waist.  “You hurt her.  Now you have to deal with the consequences, for however long they last.”

 

Bullshit.  I can fix anything.  I just have to figure out the best way to do it.

He was mulling over ways to repair the damage when Dee put his fingers in his mouth and made a loud whistle.  "Hey!  In case you all didn't figure it out, the Kool-Aid reception has been cancelled!"