Chapter 144

Richie lifted his fist to the door and knocked as quietly as he could, taking into consideration that it was a mere five o’clock in the morning.  The interior of the suite remained silent and he ruefully acknowledged that polite hotel etiquette wasn’t going to get anyone to answer the door.  He knocked harder.

This time yielded better results.  The door cracked open and a distrustful brown eye peeked out at him.

Great. 

“What do you want Richie?” Dot growled in a sleep husky voice. 

It must’ve been nice to sleep.  After Jon turned up at his door hours ago, Richie had refused to talk to the cause of this mess, basically telling him to fuck off and leave him alone.  The surprising part of that was that Jon had listened.  Without a word, he’d gone to the bedroom and left Richie to his own devices in the living room.  Well, with one exception.

“Touch that fuckin’ liquor cabinet and I’ll break your arm,” was his parting shot before clicking the door closed.

As if he hadn’t learned his lesson already tonight.  No thank you, he didn’t need to further complicate things.

“I need to talk to her.”

“The way I hear it, you had a chance to do that several times last night.”  It was no surprise that Allegra had told Dot, or that she wasn’t giving an inch.  It didn’t take much to push out her Mama Bear claws.

“I’ve had a chance to think things over.”

“Oh yeah?”  She shoved her hair back and planted an unimpressed fist on her hip.  “And what startling revelations did you come up with there, genius?”

With a sigh, he rubbed a hand across his bleary eyes, feeling as bad as he knew he looked.  

Maybe I should’ve slept awhile before trying to do this.

One hand smoothed over his wrinkled jeans and t-shirt and the other moved to reseat the ball cap on his head.   Richie clenched his jaw and leaned back on the heels of his trusty black loafers.

No.  The longer I let this go, the more lasting the damage.

“Just let me see her.”

Dorothea didn’t back down nor seem in a hurry to reunite him with Allegra.  No.  Dot, being Dot, was more inclined to offer her two cents on the matter. 

“You’re an idiot.”

“That’s not exactly a fuckin’ newsflash, D.  Now let me see her.”

“What is a newsflash is that you have enough sense to realize it.  And you better realize something else:  how much she loves you.”  She flipped a disgusted hand through the air.  “Not this stupid plastic Hollywood shit that you’re used to, but like a real woman loves a man.”

“I’m starting to get the idea, yeah.”

While the last few hours hadn’t been restful, they had proven insightful.  Richie thought he’d unearthed some pretty substantial truths about himself – truths that he hoped Allegra would understand and accept.

Dot harrumphed, and with no other warning, shut the door in his face.

Dammit! 

How was he supposed to make amends when he couldn’t get close enough to talk to her?

His fist was poised to pound the door into splinters when it reopened to reveal a stiff shouldered Allegra.  He took in her nightshirt clad body, bare feet and legs, rumpled hair and unmistakable look of displeasure.

He wouldn’t trade a mad and disheveled Allegra for any airbrushed beauty Hollywood had to offer.

 Richie’s hand came up with the intent of stroking her hair, but she drew back with an admonishing scowl. 

Stuffing the rejected appendage into the pocket of his jeans, Richie told himself he was deserving of that and a hell of a lot more.  He’d contentedly take what was due him if she would just listen and accept what he had to offer.

“Hi, baby,” he greeted softly, determined not to fight any more.  He was tired of being angry.  It was too bad Allegra didn’t seem to share that sentiment.

“What do you want?” she demanded, completely unyielding.

“To talk.”

“I was more than willing earlier, but you wanted to drink and shut me out.  Why should I care now?”

God, she was adorable when she stuck her stubborn little chin out like that.

“Because you don’t want this to be over any more than I do.”

He prayed it was true.  It had to be true.  If not, she would’ve popped off and slammed the door in his face already.    

Her eyes locked into his, searching for something and he stood firm, meeting her gaze and allowing her to see everything there was.  If there was a chance in hell she might find something that would convince her to listen, she could look all night.

“Dot’s trying to sleep, and Jon’s in your room.  There’s no place to talk.” 

She hadn’t said no.  She’d resorted to logistics and it gave him hope.  Especially since…

Richie pulled a rolled up lump of fabric from under his left arm.  “I brought your jeans and flip flops.  I thought we could go for a walk.  There’s a door in back of the hotel that leads to Hyde Park.”

She stared blankly at them, her forehead wrinkled with a frown.  “I should tell you to go hell.”

“Probably,” he agreed, picking up her hand and putting the clothes in it.  “But I’m hoping you’re curious enough about my apology to overlook that.”

“So there’s going to be an apology?”

“Absolutely.”

“And you’ll talk?  And explain?”

“Yes.”

He held his breath as she contemplated him, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.  It was painfully obvious that she was arguing with herself.  He could practically see the angel on her left shoulder and the devil on her right, each taking turns whispering in her ear.  Richie didn’t know the exact words, but he could come up with the general gist of it. 

He looks so sorry.

Sorry, schmorry.  Screw him.

Has he done anything that can’t be forgiven.  Really?

Do you really want to put up with this shit day in and day out?

He’s a good man.

He’s an ass.

At least listen to what he has to say.

“I guess I can at least listen.  Gimme a minute,” she mumbled with a step back, pushing the door closed.

He grinned in triumph.  The voice of reason, or curiosity – hell, like he cared – had won.  That meant he won too.  For now. 

♪ ♥ ♫ ♥

“So talk.”

They had gotten to the park easily, with the help of a hotel staff member to unlock the access door.  Despite the darkness of the early hour, they found their way to the Serpentine and found a bench by the water.  Ducks waddled along under the sporadically placed street lights and dwindling stars, quacking loudly while waiting for the sun to come up on their buggy breakfast buffet.

Keeping a measurable distance from Richie, Allegra slipped off her flip flops and turned sideways on the bench, drawing her knees to her chest.  For no understandable reason, she was nervous and it irritated her.  This argument and “break-up” hadn’t been her fault.  She hadn’t been the one who was completely unreasonable.  Richie was the one who should be nervous, not her.

Despite that infallible logic, she felt like she was waiting for the other metaphorical shoe to drop.  Restless arms wrapped themselves around her legs as her feet tapped a staccato rhythm, her toes accidentally brushing his leg.

“Thank you.”

What?

That wasn’t what she’d expected.  Her head whipped up, but she couldn’t make out his face in the shadows.  It wouldn’t matter if she could, because he was looking at the sidewalk in front of him, hands clasped between his widespread knees.

“Thank you for taking care of the thing with the models.  I appreciate it, and I’m sorry I was such a prick.”

That was even more of a surprise.

“You couldn’t have come to this startling revelation hours ago and saved us both a long night?”

His slight chuckle floated to her through the shadowy darkness.  “That would’ve been a whole lot easier, huh?”

“Yeah, and as nice as it is… it’s too little too late.  You’re gonna have to do better than that after the way you acted.”

Just because he could make her heart melt with a sweet laugh and hangdog expression didn’t mean she was throwing her self-respect in the toilet.  It also didn’t excuse him from being a complete ass.  A petulant, pouty, irrational ass.

“Is it?  Too late?”  His head swung her way.  A nearby streetlight briefly illuminated him and she could see that his features were riddled with doubt.

“I’m reserving all judgment until I get an explanation.”

“I guess that’s only fair,” he conceded with a slow nod.  Drawing a deep breath, he turned his face back toward the sidewalk, eyes flicking upward.  The sky had gone from inky black to dusky gray over the trees in the distance.

“Allegra, I spent a long time thinking after you left – trying to rationalize everything to myself.  It hurt really bad when you disappeared after finding out about the pregnancy.  You know that.  In comparison, the whole model thing wasn’t a drop in the bucket, but it reminded me of that feeling and I didn’t like it.  I especially didn’t like the idea that it might become a regular thing.”

She watched him fidget with his hat, lifting it off and resettling it on his head.  So far he hadn’t told her anything she didn’t know or suspect.  Feelings were one thing, and you couldn’t always control them.  His reaction to those feelings was a different kettle of fish.

“I’ve had my fair share of relationships over the years, but I’ve only truly been in love one other time before now.”

“Heather.”  That was a no-brainer.  Still mystifying, but it only stood to reason since she was the one he married.

“Yeah.”  He leaned heavily against the back of the bench, shoulders slumped.  “That made her different, yet the same, because I realized tonight that all those relationships had one thing in common.  Those women wanted to be taken care of.  They didn’t have much of an interest in taking care of someone else.  That means on the few occasions they made decisions for me – it was with their best interests in mind.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Simple things for the most part,” he explained, rubbing his palms up and down the denim on his thighs.  “What I would wear to a public appearance was usually decided by the woman of the day – without consulting me.  She picked out what would look best standing next to her, and if I happened to look good in it that was even better.  Then she would hit me like a sniper with a cologne of her choosing, because…  well, because it complemented her perfume or something equally inane.  But it was all in my ‘best interest’, of course.”  After making the air quotes, his hands dropped to his sides.

Allegra wrinkled her nose in disbelief, partly pitying him and partly scoffing at his allowance of it.  “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“It wasn’t a big deal.”  He shrugged.  “They were little things I didn’t really give a shit about.  But the last time a woman made a decision for me without consulting me?  It was a huge fucking deal.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.  Heather decided to file for divorce without consulting me.  All on her personal whim, she decided we weren’t going to work it out.  That we would cut our losses and move on.  I was the last one to find out.  After that, I sort of got it in my head that those little liberties I’d let her take led up to the big ones.  That all the stuff she’d been doing ‘for’ me, she’d really been doing ‘to’ me for her own purposes.”

He lightly draped his palm over her bent knee.  “I can only assume that led to those stellar moments of me becoming a total moron and turning on you like a rabid dog.  It was a reflex, I guess.”

Okay, she could sort of understand that but… Come ON.  Really?

“I’m not trying to do anything ‘to’ you, Richie.”

“I see that now.”  He stroked her knee, his thumb making random patterns against the denim.  “Even though I still don’t agree with the whole cloister visit, I understand you were trying to protect me.  Today – yesterday – was the same thing.  You were trying to take away some of my burden, not take my balls.  I realized it about the time you refused to apologize for loving me too much.”

“And?”  That was all well and good, but it didn’t erase the things he’d done or said.

“And I’m sorry.”  Richie released her knee to cup her cheek.  “So sorry.  I don’t want to lose you because I’m a stupid ass.  Please don’t walk away from us.”

The sun wasn’t up in the sky, but dawn had broken enough to reveal the pained expression on his face.  Allegra believed him.  She didn’t want to lose him either, but…

“You were a stupid ass on more than one count,” she reminded him.  “You drank that whiskey just to piss me off.  Is that what I have to look forward to?  Every time you disapprove of something I do, you’ll sterilize it in alcohol instead of talking to me about it?  Because, I’ve got to tell you, I have no desire to stick around for that.”

“No,” he was quick to disagree.  “I won’t deny that I had that drink out of spite and habit, but I promise not to do it again.”

“Why should I believe that?  You’ve preached communication at me all along and yet you were the one who refused to tell me what was going on in your head.  We don’t need a double standard here.  One will do just fine.”

The lines around his mouth tightened, and she felt like a bitch.  He was apologizing and here she was throwing it back in his face, demanding guarantees.  It seemed awfully harsh.

Then she steeled her spine and squared her shoulders.  That was too bad.  He’d made her feel like crap tonight, and if he had to endure a little of the same, then so be it.

Richie rose to his feet, grim expression still in place, and Allegra’s heart dive bombed into the pit of her stomach.  Apparently he didn’t appreciate her less than delicate approach.  After asking her not to walk away, he was evidently going to take that pleasure for himself. 

She felt the prick of tears in her eyes.  Two breakups in the same night really and truly sucked.  One, she could get through, but the second was going to be too much.

Damn you, Richie.

But wait.  He wasn’t walking.  He was kneeling next to her, the sun glowing all around him as it made its first appearance over the treetops. 

Her looming tears evaporated in a flood of confusion when he picked up her left hand, cradling it in his.

“You should believe it because I love you and I respect you more than anyone else in my life.  Maybe ever.  So much, that I’m about to do something I thought I’d never do again.”

Alarm bells were going off, but she couldn’t figure out why.  Something major was happening.  What was he saying?  Why was he shoving his free hand in his pocket?  Was he cold?

“I wanted this to be a tropical Hawaiian sunrise, but I can’t wait any longer.  A London sunrise will have to do.”

His right hand escaped his pocket, something shiny clasped between his thumb and forefinger.

Oh.  Oh!  Oh my goodness.

“In all my life, I never guessed there was someone like you waiting out there for me.  Someone that I could love this much.  Someone who would fight every day to return that love tenfold.   You love me like no one else ever has, and I’m amazed and humbled by it.  Tonight has proven to me that I don’t deserve someone as special as you, but I really hope you’ll choose to overlook that little fact.”

Offering up the most gorgeous ring she’d ever seen, Richie’s eyes brimmed with regret, love, tenderness and… hope. 

“Allegra Francis Castanelli, will you marry me?”